The Climb...Glory.

This week has been a hard but good week. It was 8 days ago that I found out about Pauls visa being refused for the second time and yesterday was the day planned for me to collect him from the airport. We arranged for yesterday as I had a whole week off from work so we could spend his first few days together and because I was determined for him to arrive on a glorious, September day...so he could see the beautiful summery days we have in England before winter creeps in. Did you see yesterday? It was glorious. The sky was blue, the sun shone all day, it was a truly beautiful and glorious and peaceful, September day. It was the day I had dreamed about to welcome Paul to my England. I think I was a little bit more than disappointed that he wasn't arriving, it was like someone was laughing at me saying, 'see, what a glorious day, the day you'd planned for, but now it's all thrown in your face...'

Anyway, there is no point letting that linger, as it doesn't do any good for anyone. Today I had a prayer slot at 217. I gave the hour to God to see what He would say and to bring the week together. Maybe God is speaking to me in these days of pain and disappointment, at least I hope He is.

What hit me this week is what's going on in mine and Pauls lives whilst being apart. I have work to get stuck into, I have non-Christian friends I love being with. Paul has a worship team he is leading and working with. There are these major opportunities in our lives at the moment and it got me thinking...maybe God just wants us to do a little more with these opportunities before Paul comes to England and we work on moving on together?! Maybe God has a few more things for us to learn from and give to?! Maybe, just maybe, God wants us to work with these a little longer so He gets the glory He is due...the most glory possible.

I don't know, this maybe just my head again but I can't let it go easily. We have to remember that God does have a plan and that whatever happens, it is about Him getting the glory He is due.

Listen to the song and read the lyrics:

'The Climb

Ahmir & David Sides

(Originally Miley Cyrus)

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gunna be another mountain

I'm always gunna wanna make it move

Always gunna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gunna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's on the other side

It's the climb...'

In everything, things happen that are painful and hard. Our hearts get broken and they are forever in the state of needing healing. This is not a bad or weak thing. This is all part of life, this is what it means to live. Adventures do not come without sacrifice. Through it all though, we must remember that the climb is so important - this is the part of the journey where we learn and where we grow. Through the climb is when the glory comes. The harder the climb, the larger the mountain, the more glory He gets.

What a glorious thought. x

Heartbroken.

Yesterday I got the worst news since April the 23rd. Pauls visa was refused...again.

People have told me to pray, others to rely on Gods strength and some have said that I can't keep crying...but what else is there to do?? The only thing I know to do is to cry. People have said for me to get out coz it will be good for me but when I go out all I see is what Paul doesn't. Everywhere I go I see what I cannot show Paul and I see what I am without. I don't feel like praying because I have prayed so much about this over the last year and a half. Everyday I have prayed without ceasing. Everyday I have cried out to God, sharing my heart, frustrations, desires and pain. Everyday I have allowed myself to be open before my King. I have asked for His wisdom and His words and His healing. I have put all my trust, hope and faith in Him. What else is there for me to do and say now? I said it all last time.

I keep hearing of God coming through for others. So many stories I have heard about people getting the visas they want and yet I don't see it where I really need to. What is God doing here!? What do we do or what should we do when we find ourselves falling deeper into brokenness?? It's beyond me. I have no words this time.

And so I sit here...heartbroken for the second time this year...

D-Day.

Tomorrow may well be a very important day for Paul and myself - we should be finding out if he gets his visa or not. It is hard not to worry.

'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6 v 34.

However, we MUST trust in Gods unfailing word. x