So I saw this photo on facebook recently and just think it is brilliant! I love how all these things are wonderful, individual, important and how they all reflect LOVE.
I've decided I'd love this in my home one day and for it to portray the life I live and the home I've built.
I want my children to grow up in a home that reflects true LOVE - forgiveness, realness, mistakes - all the wonderful things that make a family.
Today chuch was about relationships and the importance of marriage. The preacher said that marriage was made to be the cure for loneliness. Someone shared their experience of singleness - those who are single are of course not meant to be lonely just because they are not married (which the preacher also emphasised). She shared about the importance of belonging whether married or single. She has a community where she belongs, a communtiy who are family to her.
I want friends and family to visit our home and know that they are family in our home, that they are LOVED. This photo represents some of the desires of my heart and some of the things I am striving for.
So it's New Years Eve and I guess a lot of people are busy planning their nights - where the biggest parties are at, what the dress is gunna look like and more importantly, who you're gunna spend this night with and share the midnight moment with.
I wanna encourage you to spend some part of today not writing new years resolutions you won't keep, but to write goals and ambitions you will strive to achieve in 2012. My hubby and I done this last year after the clock struck twelve and it was a wonderful experience to sit there with your loved one, thinking about the real goals you wish to set and achieve. We then prayed over our goals and ambitions and put God as the first and most important part of 2012.
Take time out to reflect on the year and perhaps the things you would have done differently and do not be afraid to dream bigger for 2012. Set goals which represent your hearts truest desires - you know our God is the God of the impossible. Put Him first and see what He will do for you in 2012.
'It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the
New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our
triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened
ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting
hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A
chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And
stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that
ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each
other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long.'
Hilary Swank - New Years Eve
'Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.'
Pslam 37 v 4
'Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.'
Looking through other peoples blogs, stories and photos I feel a tinge of longing for more, maybe even a tinge of jealousy. Sometimes I feel like I am not truly doing what I am truly meant to do. Sometimes I feel as though I am not making the difference I ought to.
However, at our youth event on Sunday we spent the worship time thanking God for the things He has done in 2011 for us...I had a lot to thank God for and suddenly, I knew I was in the right place again.
God has, time and time again, provided for my family and I, from the material things of fixing the car and being able to buy things for our home, to the more meaningful, important things such as amazing family, great girlfriends and a wonderful, loving man. God has grown me at work, at church, in ministry and in relationships. I have been taught lessons in love, in unfulfilled dreams and promises. I have had the priviledge of leading a youth weekend away and a girls conference. I have been put in a place of leadership where I can inspire and bless those around me. God has been at work. God has been birthing new dreams and I am excited to say 2012 will be the first steps taken towards these new dreams.
God is a God who gets excited about his children. He loves it when we learn and grow. He loves it when we dream of a greater place, of greater relationships and of greater love. If I am dreaming of these greater things then I know God is at work in me...for this I am thankful.
I have not blogged for over a year and wow, what a year it has been! My man got granted a visa and visited me, we got married, he moved to England, then he had to go back to Uganda to sort out visa issues and then joined me again just in time for Christmas and we have just celebrated our one year anniversary!! It has been a rollercoaster!!
God has been working in all of it. He continues to speak to me and show His greatness. Church has been changing, work has been changing, family has been changing and God has remained the same - ever faithful and ever great!!
He's been whispering to me recently about some longings and desires I have. He has been stirring up feelings of passion for a different group of people, for a different country. God has been opening up my heart and in some ways, I think letting me feel what He feels. However, through it all comes the frustration that this may not be for now. That these desires, longings, stirrings are all very important but for this moment, they are not yet ripe.
To be honest this breaks my heart even more yet God has always shown He is good and true. He is my ever faithful father and provider, so I look to Him and trust. He has plans for my life and I know they are the best plans.
This passage stood out to me whilst reading the bible tonight:
'Change your life, not just your clothes.
Come back to God, your God.
And here's why: God is kind and merciful.
He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot,
this most patient God, extravagant in love,
always ready to cancel catastrophe.
Who knows? Maybe he'll do it now,
maybe he'll turn around and show pity.
Maybe, when all's said and done,
they'll be blessings full and robust for your God!'
I have not blogged in a while but today is surely the day to blog. I am extremely blessed and exceedingly happy right now. On the 28th May (yesterday) my man had his fourth visa application excepted instead of denied!! Wow, what an incredible feeling!! It is truly surreal.
I have talked a lot through my blog about frustration and learning patience and in more recent months I have talked about handing everything completely over to God, even when it looks like things will not happen as quickly as you'd like. The thing is, 6 months ago, that is what Paul and myself done. We put everything into Gods hands. We gave it all to Him when it looked in our eyes like it would turn everything upside down. We trusted Him and waited for His timing. I have doubted many times along the way but yesterday was the day God said 'yes'. It was the day that said all our waiting and even doubting was completely worth it. We gave our situation truly to God and He provided, as He always said He would.
Just last week I got all in a frenzy that our journey at this moment was not going right. I was thinking that if Pauls visa was refused this time his marriage one might well be refused as well and then what would we do?! I was questioning if we had really heard God in the first place - I doubted Him and I doubted the trust and faith we had as a couple. We did hear though and yesterday is proof of that!! Praise be to Him!!
Sitting here on this night shift I read the word for you today (for yesterday) and it was based on the bible verse '...he will take care of you...' Psalm 55 v 22. It talked of a story of a missionary leading orphans through the mountains to safety in China. She doubted herself but one girl reminded her of Moses and the Red Sea to which she responded 'but I am not Moses'. What did the teenage girl say? 'Of course you aren't, but God is still God!'
The word for you today says 'sometimes God calms the storm, other times He lets the storm rage and calms us.' Last year mine and Pauls storm truly raged but this year God has calmed it. Through it all we testify His goodness and His provision. Regardless of the situation He will always provide and bring out the best!!
So what is life and what does it consist of? I have not blogged in a while and to say lots of things have taken place is an understatement.
God has been ever faithful and ever true.
The past three and a half years have truly been a journey for me as I have searched for myself and searched for my love, as we have both been on a self-discovery path and a path that discovers love and friendship and emotion. God has truly showed us a glimpse of life. We have experienced many things, pain being a very prudent experience and love being a very true one also. We have lived, even at a young age we can say we have lived. Through it all God has been gracious and forgiving, He has been loving, He has been there.
I have gone from falling in love with a boy, to learning to truly love a man. I have gone from being a girl to being a woman. I have gone from a student, to a staff nurse. I have gone from a single woman to an engaged, nearly wedded one. I have gone from knowing little to learning lots. Paul and myself have gone from naive, immature feelings of love, to love that lasts through the bad and good. We have gone from a young, in love couple, to a couple who are really learning what it means to love, what it means to make that decision day after day. We have gone from days of excitement, laughter and love, to days of tears, frustration, disappointment and anger. We have experienced, we have grown...we have lived.
God has been ever faithful and ever true.
He has always been the great I AM.
He has spoken and He has provided.
He has not broken promises.
He is forever.
God has turned us from seeds to glorious oak trees, which stand the test of time. He has taken us, pruned us and allowed us to bear fruit. I am ever thankful for that.
We are still learning and growing though. He is still pruning, He is still shaping, He is still challenging. This, I know, will never stop. We are always searching to become the people, the individuals, the couple, He dreams of.
God is the greatest blessing in my life and He has blessed me with so much. I am forever thankful He has given me someone to share this all with. I am experiencing His life, with another of His - wow!!
Today I have learnt a very big lesson, yet again...learning to trust someone you completely love and hold close to your heart.
Sunday was suppose to be a very big day for me and although it was, it was not the day I had dreamed about. It did not turn out as I had hoped or wanted and at the end of it, I felt very emotional and even let down in some ways. The reason for this was simply selfishness. I was being selfish. I was trying to be controlling. I was not being the woman God has created me to be.
Today I cried and prayed and let it out of my system and learnt to trust. I learnt to trust when everything is uncertain around me. I learnt to trust when I have no say in how things are and how things will turn out. I simply learnt to be that woman that is needed for my man.
We, as woman, are suppose to be there as helpers for our men. We are there to love and cherish and be strong. We are not there to control and see that everything is done our way. I know I'm very traditional in the way I see relationships and marriage so many will not agree with me, but I see men as the leaders and as the heads of our families. I see that as their role, their right, their responsibility, their gift, their blessing and we as women are meant to enjoy that blessing and revel in that. That is one of the things we are suppose to feel freedom and love and security in.
'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.'
Matthew 5 v 8.
I heard this scripture recently at a church meeting and I absolutely loved it. The leaders preach about this verse was also brilliant. It just gave a wider view of what this verse actually means for us.
If we do not have a pure heart then does that mean we are not able to see God?! Can we ever actually get pure hearts though, after all, we are all humans and we all sin?! Surely if there is a verse, such as this one, in the bible, it must have relevance to us and our daily lives?! Surely it would not be put in the bible just to show us that this is what we will never achieve?! It must be there to encourage us to strive for what is best and to search for a greater way, a greater life.
I believe that we do, we can and we will see God. I believe that He is at work in our very lives, our very situations, our very relationships. I believe He is a God who is alive and real, a God that seeks to be relevant in our lives, not just in the past, but now. If that is true then this verse must portray a way of life that we are able to take for ourselves now.
Instead of condemnation, instead of mockery, I choose to use this verse to encourage me to become pure in heart...to search God and His ways...to try to live more as Jesus did...to follow Him and give my all to Him, in order that I may, in some very small way, see God...that I may see a glimmer of Him and continue to live hoping and believing for those glimmers...however small, large, frequent or rare they may be.
'Blessed are the pure in heart [blessed are we], that we may see God [as we see God at work in our very lives].'
Now is the time to start blogging again...the time when things are happening...
Wow, the past three months have been a whirlwind of very mixed emotions and happenings. Lots of praying and hearing and speaking. Lots of trusting and believing. Lots of crying and pain and frustration. And thankfully, lots of smiles and excitement too.
The time came when I had to let go of my deepest desire and give it completely to God. Over the past year and a half I thought I had done that - I thought I was giving my desires and burdens over to God daily, allowing Him to have His way, but it turns out I was never really doing that at all. I carried on planning for what I wanted and maybe that was the very reason things kept being denied. My desires were not wrong or inappropriate in any way, in fact, I know they were right, I guess it was just the manner in which I was asking for them. Through the pain and tears God was showing that He wanted to be the God of our situation. I just wish we saw that earlier.
By letting go though, it meant there was room and time for God to work. Within the space of three weeks, God had spoken, God had provided and God had worked - in more ways than both Paul and myself could imagine. When we are completely surprised by Gods grace and blessings, He is working!!
Wow, Uganda was an amazing time - a time of miracles, a time of God being who He wanted and needed to be for us. Paul and myself shared 18 days of grace, blessings and complete love. God was showing us that when we give everything over to Him, He does work for the good of us. We were finally living in the miracle we had been asking for, for the past three and a half years.
Giving your deepest desires over to God is not easy. To me it looked like everything would completely change and go backwards. I thought it would make the whole situation harder and longer, when it actually done the opposite.
I've recently been reading the book of Ezra. It has been about Gods people building His temple in Jerusalem and how certain people done all they could to stop the building from happening. However, things were changed when those who were trying to prevent the building work found that a decree was written by the King, which stated the building of the temple should carry on and the gold which had been taken from there originally, must be returned. It then leads onto the King telling his officials that whatever is needed financially and materially for the building, including sacrifices, must be given to the people out of the royal treasury. It just hit me that God can do whatever He wishes so that His will takes place. There is no reason for us to fear because God, the God of the impossible, can change the heart of the King and of the Government so that it works for His people, if it's needed. Why should I worry about the embassy and immigration laws when God is in charge of mine and my mans lives?? Nothing can stop Gods will.
Like an old friend always says - where God guides, He provides.
I don't know what you think of this song, but for me, the chorus definitely sings of something true, which is often forgotten by people. It sings of anything that's worth having is worth fighting for. The thing people forget is to actually fight - they think if it doesn't work then it's not meant to be. That's not true, sometimes we just have to learn to make things work - to fight for those truly important and precious things.
We was talking about love at work last week and someone was saying she doesn't agree with waiting for and having just one partner, because you have nothing to compare to. Why do we need to compare though?! At the end of the day, if people believe love is a fairytale then they are bound to fail at it. Love is wonderful, beautiful, strong but it is also very hard work. Love first comes as an emotion but then there comes a choice - do I choose to love this person everyday for the rest of my life? Or do I wait on my emotions and when they change, my actions change??
As always, there is a choice and more often than not, a sacrifice to be made. This is no different for love. Love is something to fight for and when we love someone we should learn to fight for them also. Through fighting comes pain and suffering and through this can come grief. What we must learn is to keep fighting through, believing that this will make us stronger and that the hope we cling to, will not disappoint us.
'Pain and suffering is the price we pay for loving.'
'Grief if not an illness from which we recover...we are all permanently changed by grief: some may be crippled but many emerge stronger and wiser.' Murray Parkes, Relf and Couldrick.
'And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.' Romans 5 v 2-5.
This week has been a hard but good week. It was 8 days ago that I found out about Pauls visa being refused for the second time and yesterday was the day planned for me to collect him from the airport. We arranged for yesterday as I had a whole week off from work so we could spend his first few days together and because I was determined for him to arrive on a glorious, September day...so he could see the beautiful summery days we have in England before winter creeps in. Did you see yesterday? It was glorious. The sky was blue, the sun shone all day, it was a truly beautiful and glorious and peaceful, September day. It was the day I had dreamed about to welcome Paul to my England. I think I was a little bit more than disappointed that he wasn't arriving, it was like someone was laughing at me saying, 'see, what a glorious day, the day you'd planned for, but now it's all thrown in your face...'
Anyway, there is no point letting that linger, as it doesn't do any good for anyone. Today I had a prayer slot at 217. I gave the hour to God to see what He would say and to bring the week together. Maybe God is speaking to me in these days of pain and disappointment, at least I hope He is.
What hit me this week is what's going on in mine and Pauls lives whilst being apart. I have work to get stuck into, I have non-Christian friends I love being with. Paul has a worship team he is leading and working with. There are these major opportunities in our lives at the moment and it got me thinking...maybe God just wants us to do a little more with these opportunities before Paul comes to England and we work on moving on together?! Maybe God has a few more things for us to learn from and give to?! Maybe, just maybe, God wants us to work with these a little longer so He gets the glory He is due...the most glory possible.
I don't know, this maybe just my head again but I can't let it go easily. We have to remember that God does have a plan and that whatever happens, it is about Him getting the glory He is due.
Listen to the song and read the lyrics:
'The Climb
Ahmir & David Sides
(Originally Miley Cyrus)
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gunna be another mountain
I'm always gunna wanna make it move
Always gunna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gunna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's on the other side
It's the climb...'
In everything, things happen that are painful and hard. Our hearts get broken and they are forever in the state of needing healing. This is not a bad or weak thing. This is all part of life, this is what it means to live. Adventures do not come without sacrifice. Through it all though, we must remember that the climb is so important - this is the part of the journey where we learn and where we grow. Through the climb is when the glory comes. The harder the climb, the larger the mountain, the more glory He gets.
Yesterday I got the worst news since April the 23rd. Pauls visa was refused...again.
People have told me to pray, others to rely on Gods strength and some have said that I can't keep crying...but what else is there to do?? The only thing I know to do is to cry. People have said for me to get out coz it will be good for me but when I go out all I see is what Paul doesn't. Everywhere I go I see what I cannot show Paul and I see what I am without. I don't feel like praying because I have prayed so much about this over the last year and a half. Everyday I have prayed without ceasing. Everyday I have cried out to God, sharing my heart, frustrations, desires and pain. Everyday I have allowed myself to be open before my King. I have asked for His wisdom and His words and His healing. I have put all my trust, hope and faith in Him. What else is there for me to do and say now? I said it all last time.
I keep hearing of God coming through for others. So many stories I have heard about people getting the visas they want and yet I don't see it where I really need to. What is God doing here!? What do we do or what should we do when we find ourselves falling deeper into brokenness?? It's beyond me. I have no words this time.
And so I sit here...heartbroken for the second time this year...
'Cause you're considered wifey and I'm considered husband
And I'ma always be there for you...
And no-one knows why I'm into you
'Cause you'll never know what it's like to walk in ourshoes
And no-one knows the things we've been through
Can never measure up to half of what I put you through
That's why we'll break through
And I don't care what they say, I'm gunna be with you...
You're everything in my life, see the joy you bring
And ain't no-one I compare you to...'
Listen to the song (open it on youtube if the video isn't working) and read some of these lyrics. What is it saying to you?? You may not like the song, you may not even listen to R&B music but take a listen to the words and see what it's all about. I am always playing music and really think that it can display what you're feeling at a particular moment in time. I always think that music speaks of circumstances you're finding yourself in...music speaks, it's real.
This song speaks to me about circumstances I have found myself in and even find myself in at times right now. It's talking about relationships and how relationships are purely about the people in them. Others do not understand your relationship because they are not in it and they are not a part of it. Your relationship is unique to you and that means that no-one can take from it or give to it, unless you let them.
There are times when it's good to share and it's good to have people bring input into your relationship but there are also times when you need to stand alone in your relationship, up against what everyone else is saying or thinking. People are so free to say what they think but it does not mean they are right. You should not let what other people think or say hinder your relationship or change it when that is not necessary. People have stood against Paul and myself at times but like the song says, they do not know what we've been through or what it's like to be in our shoes...they do not know. So who are they to say what they are saying?! Who are they to judge?!
Our relationships are between ourselves and our God. We are Gods, we are no-one elses. Yes, friends and family around us are key and we should not reject what they say or what they advise, but we must remember that our relationships are unique and other people do not always know what is best. Only God knows.
Please don't get me wrong. Please don't think I am saying ignore the people around you. I AM NOT. All I am saying is that whatever relationship you're in is unique to you, that person and God.
'Because when you give something away, you no longer have it. When a couple shares with others what belongs to the two of them, they pay a price. The power and the mystery and, therefore, the strength of the bond come from the exclusivity. When a couple lets people too far in, when we have experienced what is theirs in some mystical way, they don't have it anymore. They gave it away...A marriage is between those two people, not us. It's not ours, it's theirs.' Sex God - Rob Bell.
Listen to God, hear Him, obey His word and step forth in that. x
Fear is an awful thing, but something that hinders each one of us.
How is it that when something dreadful happens, fear creeps in?? It fits into that small part of our lives which doesn't quite seem secure enough...it comes in and takes over...if we let it.
Over the past year or two I have seen heartache after heartache. In my work, in my church, in my family, in my own relationships. Heartaches that shake you up and stir something inside of you which doesn't quite settle. Heartaches that make you realise life is precious but so easily taken away. Heartaches that make you question everything, including those things and those people you have always been so certain of. Heartaches that make you question God.
I question God a lot at the moment. I question what He allows to happen. I question why He doesn't do the miracles He is so capable of. I question why He lets us go on in life with extreme pain and injustice.
The thing is, even though I question Him and I fear what my life may consist of through the years, I still cling to Him. All I know is that I cannot go on without Him because I would become nothing and my life would become meaningless (John 15 v 5).
Fear will tear you down if you allow it to. Don't let it take over your life.
Yes, question God, but do not reject Him. He is forever and will outlast anything or anyone.
' "How can I give you up...? How can I hand you over...?... My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devestate... For I am God, not man - the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. They will follow the Lord; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west. They will come trembling like birds from Egypt, like doves from Assyria. I will settle them in their homes," declares the Lord.' Hosea 11 v 8 -11.
God is a fierce but compassionate God - can't you see that from this passage?? Now, sometimes it feels like He is completely against us and doesn't seem to come through for us when we need Him, but isn't that just our ideas? God does know what is best and He does fight for us through all things. He is there for us and provides for us whenever we need Him. It might feel like there are times when He isn't for us but that is just our feelings, that isn't truth.
This lesson I seem to be learning over and over again right now. In fact, I think I've been learning the same lesson for several years now and I still don't seem to take it all in. Things have happened and I have screamed at God asking Him what the hell is going on and why the hell didn't He come through for me in my situation...it felt like He was nowhere to be seen and He didn't actually do what He could have done, but this is me putting my restrictions on God and telling Him to do exactly what I want. This isn't trusting Him for who He is and believing in Him through all things. Yes, it is very hard to trust God when things seem to fall apart and when you feel like you gave your everything to Him just to have it thrown back in your face, but God DOES know best and He will ALWAYS come through for you and for me.
Honestly, this is truth...trust Him in everything, even when everything falls into crashes around you. It's the only way. x
I don't really know what to blog about today but just knew I wanted to. Are you outside right now?? I am and it's glorious. This is the England I love...when the sun gets warm and shines all day...when people are out and about in the natural world...when the light continues for what seems like all night...and when people are generally happy, all because of the feeling of summer.
I love it. I love this. I love summer. I love sunshine. I love how things change just because the sun is shining. This is one of the things I miss and will continue to miss about England when I travel some place else. I will miss the summer days and evenings. I will miss the parks. I will miss the beauty that our country, England, possesses.
Do you ever think that life would be better if you lived somewhere else? Somewhere where it's shining everyday?? Somewhere which feels like summer all of the time?? Somewhere where people are different??
I use to think that. I use to think that I cannot wait to live somewhere else but over the last few years I have truly started to apppreciate England and everything it offers. Do you not see the beauty around you?? Not many places have four seasons in such extravagance. Not many places have snow and sun and blossom and green in one year. Not many places have days that last until 10pm where you can sit outside all evening and not feel cold. Not many places have trees that shed their leaves and then just a few months later blossom so beautifully. Not many places have the fresh, crispness of Autumn or the warm breeze of Spring. Not many places have parks full of green and full of colour where you can sit freely. Not many places have traditional pubs, or traditional seaside resorts. Not many places make food like we do :) Think about it...think about all the things that England offers that you can't get anywhere else...the food, the surroundings, the music, the history. Do you now see what we offer?? Do you now see the blessings that surround you at this very moment?!
Just take a moment to contemplate life here and learn to appreciate it. Learn to appreciate YOUR life and YOUR country and YOUR home. Appreciate life. See the blessings and be thankful.
I still want to live abroad at some point in my life but it's not because I can't wait to get away from England. Think before you moan about your home, your friends, your family, your country, your man, your women next time...learn to appreciate these things, these people and learn to show that appreciation.
What does this mean? For me, it means that even when everything seems to fall apart around you, you carry on trusting God because everything about His character is good. There is nothing we can fault about God. We may question what He is letting go on in our life and to some that may be seen as a fault, that God does not always create miracles in our lives, but He is not to be faulted. He is the everlasting one, the almighty one, the great one, who is forever and who is forever for us and who is always good, always working out things for good.
This also means to me that when everything falls apart, the plan that was original was obviously not the one God wanted. It may have been the one we wanted and the one that we even predicted God to carry out, but it was in fact not His way. After all, in His word it states that 'Many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.' Proverbs 19 v 21.
Recently, Paul and myself have experienced this. The plan fell through and it was a plan which we were certain of. A plan we were certain would work and a plan we were certain God had intended. Obviously not though and it is hard for me to say and realise that perhaps we were predicting our God and His ways, instead of just following and trusting Him every step of the way.
The next step is to trust God, to trust His character and to never predict His ways.
Let me leave you with this -
'...sorrow comes to all and each has to deal with it individually, either learning its lessons, or being crushed by its bitterness...'
