This is Leona Lewis' new single, a cover of Snow Patrols 'Run'. I love this song. Her voice is completely amazing and when she sings, she sings with such passion and emotion and feeling.
Some of the lyrics read:
'Light up, light up,
As if you have a choice,
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear.'
Tonight I've met with some friends from church as we are planning the worship for Sunday. I shared this bible verse:
'Praise the Lord O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compasssion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.'
Psalm 103 v 1-5.
The song sings about getting through something knowing someone is there even when you can't hear/see them. For me this relates to God. I know He is there even though I cannot physically see Him. There is also always a choice - light always comes.
The bible verse talks about who our God is. The fact that He is holy and should be praised. He blesses us with so many benefits. He forgives ALL our sins. He crowns us with things such as love and compassion. Above it all, He blesses us with things that are 'good'. 'Good' is used a lot in the bible and so often in relation to who God Himself is. God is good and so if He blesses us with good things, they really must be 'GOOD'.
Us excepting God as this helps us to soar as eagles. We take that leap of faith and soar with Him. We cannot necessarily hear His voice and see Him but we choose to leap off the edge anyway and we are blessed with the magnificent, exciting, adventurous soaring that an eagle experiences.
This is a video clip from the film Prince of Egypt - the song makes this scene very powerful and emotional.
I haven't blogged much lately, life seems kinda empty - nothing to speak of I guess, but I was listening through my music today and a copy of this song came on. One line stood out to me:
'And it's easy to give into your fears...'
That is so true isn't it?! We go through all these tough, demanding times, similar to what I blogged about last time and the easiest thing to do would be to dwell on the bad times, feel sorry for ourselves and give into those fears...but is that the best thing to do??
The song tells us there can be miracles. The song is sung at a time in the film when thousands of people are seeing no clear way, they feel stranded, yet they are told to step out and trust...to not give into their fears of things coming to nothing, but trusting that God can and will do this - 'there can be miracles, when you believe...you will when you believe...'
The word 4 u 2day says this -
'God never asks you to do something without helping you achieve it. The more you get to know God, the more you learn to trust Him and the easier it becomes to be happy inside, no matter what is happening.'
'Don't feel bad. They joy of God is your strength!' Nehemiah 8 v 10.
I'm not really with it at the moment, I have only just heard this song, but I love it. Songs like this always get me hooked. Songs about pain and hurt. Songs about trying to get through the rain and the storm.
Some of the lyrics read:
'I know sorries, just wouldn't do it
Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying to travel through
But it's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change
And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain washes progress away
It's like moving mountains...
It's like moving mountains...'
What does this song say to you? Can you relate to it and everything it sings of??
Are the troubles you're going through bringing obliteration? Does it seem like you have to move mountains to come through? Everytime you take a step is it washed away by the rain that pours down around you??
It's true, trouble does appear like this at times and when you think it couldn't get any worse it does. When you feel like you can't take it anymore and nothing makes sense. Everything, every simple task seems like a struggle and every little thing brings you to tears and anger.
Life sucks at times...sometimes it seems like it sucks most of the time, but that is the way life is. Struggles come but they do go. We work through them and when the rain comes we fall back, but our steps are always larger and bigger than rain drops, aren't they?!
At the weekend I went to this fab roller disco in London. It was a family members 21st and we dressed up and made an absolute night of it. I loved it and had lots of fun!!
I fell over three times......now you're thinking I must have been rubbish, but that ain't true :) I usually think I'm alright at skating but always manage to fall over and I usually blame it on other people!!
Is that the way though? Do I trip coz it is actually someones elses fault, or do I trip coz I'm the one who faulted?!
I guess it's that way with our lives and our faith and our beliefs as well as our morals and principals. We all trip up at times but do we unconciously or even deliberately blame others for our trips?? Do we automatically think that it can't be us and it's actually someone else?
Of course we do, that is life and that is what being a human does I guess. We have to remember that this is OUR life though and even though there is a higher person than us, someone who can change our life around, our life will always be OURS to live. We make the decisions, whether good or bad. Yes, people do influence but we make the ulimate decision. We can't go around blaming others because we will never improve and become stronger and better. Like with skating, if I continually blame others for my trips I won't think that there is anything to work on, so I will always continue tripping. It's the same with life.
At the moment I don't feel like I have much patience. There is one thing that I am really longing for and that I actually feel ready for and it is hard waiting for something with the patience required. I do not want to be impatient...I want to practice those things which are good and which will bring more character, yet how does this happen when the things you long for seem so far away??
My answer is - I don't have an answer. I guess we just have to pursue our passions with the hope that what we long for IS coming - somewhere, someday.
'...We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end,
in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy,
but to imitate those who through faith and patienceinherit what has been promised...'
I am sorry I haven't blogged in so long, it's been a busy few weeks.
To be honest, life is busy and I don't know if it will ever change.
I am thankful for one thing today though.
It has been beautiful the last few days and I absolutely adore times like this.
It reminds me of what I love and how beautiful the world is.
Many times I would rather not be in England. In fact, at times I despise the country I live in. People have priorities wrong and lives are not lived as they should be. Most of the time the weather is rubbish as well...but when the sun shines it really does and I begin to love England again. I love summer evenings where I can sit in the garden, eat and drink with my friends and family. Evenings where the sun shines until 10 and where it never gets cold. Evenings where I can sit alone and enjoy the starlight and candlelight.
The last few nights I was working nights at work and on all my breaks I went outside. I sat under the stars in the cool breeze and it was beautiful. My shifts were enjoyable because I got to enjoy the beauty of nature and the beauty of life.
Look around you and enjoy what you see and what you feel. Life isn't always about the material things and the people we are with. Yes, I know that these moments of beauty would be so much more beautiful if shared with my man but they have a beauty of their own when they are shared alone.
See what the Lord has for you in the next few days. See what He says through the nature He created so beautifully and so perfectly.
I don't really have anything on my heart to blog about at the moment but I want to blog anyway, maybe just for the sake of it and also coz I have some new pictures which I love, so I want to share them.
This week is a prayer and fasting week at the church here. Last night was the first prayer meeting of the week and it was amazing. There were several points throughout the hall that highlighted different things to pray for. Some was specific for the church and specific ministries, others were just for the nation.
It was really great praying for people, ministries and countries that I have never known or been a part of. I think it just reminded me that we need to pray for our world, whether or not we feel 100% part of it all of the time. The world is not just full of the people that we know, it is full of many who are all called to do many different things.
It also got me to pray about Uganda, the country I am in now and the country I am so passionate about. Do I usually pray for Uganda? No. Why though? A country which has my heart and is full of the many special people in my life and yet I do not regularly pray for it. Are we becoming a society that is selfish to its core? Are we becoming a people that forgets the wider picture?
We want to see change in the world yet we don't want to proactively make that change occur. I am not trying to condemn, I am just trying to question. I am passionate about seeing change yet I don't always pray about it. Maybe it is time...time to grasp a hold of the important things in life and to make a stand to make a difference through prayer.
What do we think of tradition and how do we see it? Is it something to be treasured and held onto? Or maybe something that should be locked away and long forgotten?
'Tradition is beliefs or customs taught by one generation to the next.'
Wikipedia (2008)
Yesterday I visited a fishing town on the shores of Lake Victoria called Gerenge. I went with a team that were teaching Primary Health Care. This town is stuck in tradition and through what my eyes saw, this tradition would be better off forgotten.
This village isn't especially poor compared to other villages that we visited this week but the people, especially the men, spend their money poorly. I guess like many people in England do.
The men fish and spend their money on alcohol and prostitutes, leaving the women to work in order to provide shelter and food for their large families. The women told us that a small family consisted of at least 4-8 children. This would be a large family in England!!
The town is small and to be honest not much can be done to improve conditions unless peoples attitudes change. How do you change peoples attitudes though? You can encourage them and try to inspire them but at the end of the day all of that is nothing unless their heart is radically changed and sharpened. Only God can do this seemingly impossible task.
Looking at the village, it is so similar to England. Yes, we have sanitation. Yes, we don't live in rubbish tips...but we don't always have the right attitude towards money and towards family - whether we're Christian or not.
Will being saved changed these peoples hearts? Maybe but then maybe not. There is no point being saved if you are just going to live in the same routine and with the same mindset - you need a change of heart and attitude. Your thoughts have to be changed in order to change your behaviour, which is often hard in a society where change is minimal.
The good thing is that God can do all this and so much more. He promises us that He is able 'to do immeasureably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,' Ephesians 3 v 20 NIV. What about The Message version, 'God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!' God CAN do this!! He CAN change Gerenge and He CAN change England - He CAN do MORE than we ask or imagine but it starts with us 'according to His power that is at work WITHIN US'. We can't be lazy on this, we have to try.
To end on a good note, the children were as beautiful and as vibrant as ever.
Much love to you all as always. Maybe think about your heart and whether it's in the right place or not. x
I am so excited to say that yesterday I saw my first ever birth!!!! From day one I said to my supervisors that I really wanted to see a birth and it happened yesterday...now I wish I could see more and more!! It was really a beautiful and amazing thing, something so precious and something to be treasured for eternity.
The baby came out and was cleaned up and then I was the nurse who done everything else - what a priviledge!! I clamped the cord, took a blood sample from it and cut the remaining cord off. I gave the baby an IM injection of Vitamin K to reduce bleeding and some eye ointment and I assessed him head-to-toe. I then weighed the baby and dressed/wrapped him. I then handed him over to his family. The mum and dad thanked me, but why?! I was the one to thank them. They gave me the priviledge of seeing their first child being born and being the one to assess and dress him.
WOW - what an experience!!!! Now I really really want to do midwifery. I know I want to be a childrens nurse but I also know I want to be able to assist with bringing life into the world. To be the first person to hold a new baby and to have the opportunity to bless them with Gods love, protection and Spirit. We'll see where this desire goes though because that would mean another three years of hard work and study which I am definitely not ready for yet.
Work has been wonderful this week. I have been all over the hospital and today I was in theatre and saw several operations - a c/section being one of them (note to self - always always opt for a natural delivery over a c/section!!!!). Work has been busy and so I have loved it. In outpatients the sister has given me more responsibility and so I have felt more like a nurse and someone who actually knows what they are doing. My confidence is growing daily and I am so excited to be a childrens nurse in life - this is something I am made to do and truly love to do!!
It's such a shame tomorrow is my last day but then at least I have some me time. Also, it's my mans birthday so I must plan something nice for him. I completely adore being here and I will dread returning to England. The only exciting thing about returning to England is qualifying and then my man visiting me.
God has completely blessed me by showing me the beauty of life. Never doubt that life is precious!! x
First moan of the blog - this computer is SOOOOO slow and it's driving me crazy, lol!! Second moan, work is a bit slow still and I've decided that I like it when people are actually ill, lol.
So, the last week and a half has been AMAZING!! I have loved it so much more than my first week here and I think it's because I have now settled into life here again and also coz I've been doing more stuff that I actually want to do.
Since the first week when I didn't get much time with my man, things have been easier and better. We have seen each other a lot more and I just feel more like myself with him now. I've realised that it does take so much time to really trust someone and show your true self to them and I think now is the time when that trust has really been solidly built.
Work was great last week because I was in the inpatient ward which was a lot busier than the charity ward. I felt like I had more confidence and I was given more to do. Communication is still hard though. Most patients speak English because of the nature of the hospital, but it can still be difficult. I'm in outpatients this week and it's slow so not really very good. One thing to mention though - they pray every morning during handover. I love this!! People are just free to be themselves here and there is no fear of mentioning God or bringing prayer actively into care. I don't even know how praying during handover in England would be perceived but why not?! Whether people believe or not that there is a God and a God who answers prayer, why can't we pray and hope for it?! Why don't we actively give the day over to someone who is so much higher and so far beyond us as mere human beings??
Anyway, that is it for now. I will try to blog more regularly now but who knows and sorry it's short - the computer is rubbish.
Just a thought - give everything over to God and see what He does.
Wow, I am so sorry it has taken over a week to write my first blog - I know you are all waiting in anticipation, lol!! Anyway, things have been busy and slightly hectic to say the least!!
So, how are things you're all asking and I guess you're expecting a massive 'AMAZING'?! Well, that is not the answer. Things have been good but also not so good, I guess the best way to describe things is rocky in an adventurous way.
I've had some fun with friends and children but also had some hard times. Time being a difficult constraint at points. Work at the hospital is different and fine, but that's all it is at the moment. It's amazing how small it is to English hospitals and how quiet it is. This week I am on a 30 bed ward and there is a nurse to every 3/4 patients, where as back home you get a nurse to about every 8-10 patients. So I am a little bored at times and kinda frustrated, but things are getting better and I am able to change wards in order to experience different things. I think I will ask to work in Intensive Care next week which will hopefully be so much more demanding of me. Also, a lot of the nurses here are enrolled and not registered which means they do not have the training or knowledge I am receiving in England so I don't feel as though I am learning enough. There was a very positive point yesterday though. There was an 8 year old in with chicken pox and she was just getting ready to be discharged. She had no family with her though and was so playful, she just wanted attention. Not many people were giving it to her though so I did and it was GREAT :) I was helping her with her maths and then she started teaching me numbers in Lugandan, it was so much fun and we both laughed lots.
Here is a pic I had taken at the weekend, playing with my neighbours :) they are so adorable!!!!
So I hear you screaming that you wanna know about me and my boy, right?! Well, he is very lovely thank you and we are growing a lot. Challenges don't stop here though. I thought things might be easy for a while, but they are definitely not!! I knew we'd hardly get to see each other in the week due to uni and work, but it turns out he has uni on Saturdays for his last semester and his last semester is now - sucks!!!!!!! I was so annoyed and frustrated but we are dealing with things as they are thrown our way.
I am sorry this is such a small blog but time is short tonight. On Saturday I will blog for real!!
Love you all but love here as well!!
Keep believing God for the best even through rocky times!! x
Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't blogged in absolutely ages, lots has been going on really. I've now moved back home which is great but sometimes hard :) and I'm back in my home church now which I love even more. Also, I'm a third year student and in 11 months will be a qualified nurse, scary but exciting stuff!!
I'm just really realising how much effort I need to start putting into things. The last two years of uni I have kind of blagged my way through, with not particularly much effort. I now realise that even though being a nurse is something God has called me to do and be, it is not going to come easy for me. I believe in God for His complete provision and faithfulness - I do not fear being able to get a job wherever it may be, but I know I have to make an effort to. God can make anything happen but I musn't use that as an excuse to be lazy. Before, I wanted to be a nurse but now I want to be a GREAT nurse. In order to be this I need to work hard and apply myself to my training and then my job. I believe that when I put the effort in God will bless me for it and through nursing I'll really be able to bless and love people.
I don't really know where this is leading - maybe that we need to trust God completely for our futures and dreams but we musn't let this faith add to our laziness. Have great faith, but also work hard.
'All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.'
Proverbs 14 v 23
As a quick testimony which doesn't really follow the topic but then maybe it does. As lots of people know I am travelling to Uganda this summer - it is now only 7 sleeps away!! It has come around so quick and God has truly provided. Last June was the beginning of it all. Within three weeks I was offered a placement at the International Hospital Kampala but it took until late February this year to completely confirm the placement. Can you believe that it took 9 months to sort something that could have been confirmed within the first month or two?! As you can imagine, I was getting completely frustrated and didn't actually think the placement would go ahead. However, it was confirmed and within a week of that someone from my church at university had offered to pay for my flight and two or three weeks later I had received confirmation of receiving funding from the university. God is good!! I presisted with my dreams and even though it took a lot of time, God provided it all and so much more!! Be encouraged and know that with persistance comes results.
So I have a new video for you, another one by Celine Dion. I find her voice so powerful and her lyrics incredible.
I'm Alive - Celine Dion
'Mmmmm ... mmmmm I get wings to fly Oh, oh ... Im alive ... Yeah
When you call on me When I hear you breathe I get wings to fly I feel that I'm alive When you look at me I can touch the sky I know that I'm alive
When you bless the day I just drift away All my worries die Im glad that I'm alive
You've set my heart on fire Filled me with love Made me a woman On clouds above I couldn't get much higher My spirit takes flight Cause I am alive
When you call on me, when you call on me When I hear you breathe, when I hear you breathe I get wings to fly, I feel that I'm alive, I am alive When you reach for me, when you reach for me Raising spirits high God knows that That I'll be the one standing by through good and through trying times And it's only begun I can't wait for the rest of my life
When you call on me, when you call on me When you reach for me, when you reach for me I get wings to fly, I feel that When you bless the day, when you bless, you bless the day I just drift away, I just drift away All my worries die I know that I'm alive I get wings to fly God knows that I'm alive.'
I don't know what you think but it just reminds me of God. The fact that when He blesses He does it mightily. The fact that just by His breath we can be given wings to fly. He sets our hearts on fire and fills us with love. Isn't this powerful and mighty??
Have you ever thought about flying...the sensation that it can bring?? When I think of being given wings to fly then I think of life...feeling alive so that I may soar, soar like an eagle. This is how God makes us feel. He completely sets us free and releases us so that we can be given true life...so we can be given wings to fly...given pure freedom!!
'Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.' Psalm 103 v 1 - 5
When we trust God to be all we need, when we praise Him...He satisfies and provides everything...He ultimately renews our youth like the eagles...and we all know what eagles do...they SOAR!!
I thought it might be interesting to blog about the topic of housewives. You might think that this is stupid to blog about but I know people have differing views and that the views of society on this matter are also changing, so thought it would be interesting to blog my thoughts. The definition of housewife is 'a married woman who manages her own household especially as her prinicpal occupation.' After this definition is this 'housewife is offensive to some, perhaps because of an implied contrast with career woman (just a housewife) and perhaps because it defines an occupation in terms of a woman's relation to a man.'
If we look at society then it is clear that women are becoming more career minded, or perhaps they are just being allowed to pursue their dream of a career. In the past it was always the men who worked and the women who kept the house and who brought up the children. This was the norm. I don't think there really is a norm now though, because many women are still housewives but many woman are also career women.
For some, they may find it offensive and demeaning that people view women as having this role over men. For me, I do not. I think it is actually an amazing thing to be a housewife...to be the primary care giver to your children and to provide a home for the man of your life. I also think that the way men and women are made so differently makes women more suited to being the homemaker and men more suited to being the soul provider of the home.
Should we not embrace our femininity instead of push it aside and say that we are no different to men?! I do not think that this world should be a 'mans world' but I also think that we should not have to fight to be career women just because we don't want to come under a mans authority.
Men are strong - they are made with strength to lead. Women are beautiful - they are made with beauty to be enjoyed.
Men should not take advantage because of this strength and just expect women to be under them and to do all they command. Having this sort of strength to lead is a priviledge and has to be used to lead people with love not arrogance. Women need to realise that their beauty shouldn't be taken for granted and that they are given beauty so they may give it to others - to love and empower and give life to those around them.
Men are made with strength and women are made with beauty so that when they are joined, something admirable yet able is created. This can't be created with just strength or just beauty - men and women have to realise they need each other.
We should not be ashamed of our uniqueness as women or as men. We need to embrace and cherish our differences and be prepared to come under those who are made to lead and to love those who are made to be enjoyed.
I had my birthday on Monday and it was kinda weird this year. I wasn't with my family or my man which I guess was hard, but it was exactly the same last year. I don't really know how I felt, but I know that I wasn't loving the day. Was it the realism that I am getting older?? I don't think so. I am excited about being older because it means I am closer to my dream. So what was it then??
Do we sometimes place too much emphasis on things that are actually meaningless?? Do we get disappointed with occasions because we place too much hope on them, expecting that they will perhaps be perfect?? Maybe this was the reason I didn't love my birthday. The realism that it was in fact just another day...perhaps I had become too excited about a day that was just a day.
Perhaps we think that birthdays should be ourdays - a time which is just about us?? Is this right though?? The meaning of birthday is an aniversary of a birth, the day of a persons birth or even the festivities/celebration marking such a day or anniversary. Does this give permission for us to become totally selfish on our birthdays and have that day celebrated as ours??
To be honest I think not. Each day is not ours and cannot be...each day is Gods and therefore it's His, to do what He desires with. This makes me more happier than any birthday could. The fact that God can conquer all and do the most amazing thing with any sort of day. No day is mine to name so why should any day be all about me?! My birthday is a day to celebrate the anniversary of my birth but it's not more important than any other day. Any day can be full of fun and amazement!!
So on Sunday a lady preached at church about Gods heart for the poor. It was a challenging time. It was great to hear about Gods heart for people and how the bible actually portrays and emphasises this.
'Listen, my brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the Kingdom he promised those who love him?'
James 2 v 5
'For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.'
2 Corinthians 8 v 9
The world often chooses to despise the poor, yet God loves them so intensely that He chooses THEM to become rich in HIM and inherit His Kingdom. I know how easy it is to get caught up with money but I know that in all things I would rather inherit Gods faith than the worlds money. Consider the following quotes:
'Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.'
Benjamin Franklin
'If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.'
Dorothy Parker
'One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.'
George Eliot
'Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil.'
Henry Fielding
Some wise words maybe?!
Being rich in the worlds eyes is not what it appears to be. In my opinion - money does not make you happy, God makes you happy, and what He offers is love, passion, strength, beauty, excitement, creation, fierceness, adventure, wonderment, awe and pure ecstasy.
God is absolutely incredible and amazing - He really never fails to astound me!!
I was told at the weekend that someone at my church wants to pay for my flight to Uganda - I am so amazed!! I was so excited when I found out I could go to Uganda but at the same time was dead scared because of not having all the money I needed for the trip. I worked out that I could just about afford to pay for the flight but that was it - I had no clue how everything else would get paid for. Scary but true!! And there was no way that I wasn't going to travel to Uganda because of financial scares.
Me and my man have faced communication difficulties because of the restraints of money and there was no way that I was going to let money interfere anymore!! Money really does annoy, scare and frustrate me - I seriously hate it and absolutely detest how it makes me feel!!
How is it I feel like this knowing that God provides everything I need and more?? Maybe the fact that God might in fact not choose to give me all of my desires and all the miracles I ask for?? This is not lack of faith, this is just realism that God doesn't answer all prayers the way we sometimes want.
Anyway, God has astounded me and once again reassured me that I musn't worry about anything. He provides all that is needed and desired in the situations He puts us in - even when things don't go the way we want them to it doesn't mean God isn't giving what is needed, it just means He is giving what is needed according to the way He wants - the way which is best and good for us.
God is forever GOOD!! Believe and trust that truth. x
Just a quick blog to say - woohoo, I am going to Uganda!!
I have been planning a placement there since last July time and the university kept throwing obstacles in my way. At times I thought I would not get the placement finalised and that I would not actually get to visit Uganda this year.
Uganda is where I want to be and where my man is...it's probably one of the biggest things of my future...so I want to be there. I want to visit and step into my future. I want to see what God truly has for me.
I was relying on this placement for a chance to see if nursing in Uganda is what I want to be doing. The only chance I have to see if I can do it and enjoy it. The only chance to get some contacts. The only chance of discovering nursing in a hospital setting there before I qualify.
This week the placement got finalised and I AM GOING!!
God is good and has been good!! It has taken time, frustration and many days and hours of crying tears and angry prayers...but God has done what is good in His time. He has always remained faithful and I continue to trust Him for what is to come.
I haven't blogged in ages it seems, but there isn't really anything on my heart at the moment to blog about. This week I started a new placement though. It is in a special school in Leigh-On-Sea. I wasn't looking forward to this placement at all really. I've been there a week now and it's fine but definitely not what I want to be doing. I feel it is sort of a waste of time for me to be there for four weeks, but at the end of the day I have to bare with it.
I guess this is just like life isn't it?! We have the things in our life which at times seem like a complete waste of our time, money and effort but yet we have to do them. There are things which challenge us and frustrate us, things that scare us and things that surprise us. For me, this time scared me, it is challenging me and I guess it is also surprising me somehow. I have a confidence when I am there and an understanding of my work there. I know that in this time I will learn something, even if I feel it is a waste of my time at the moment. I also know that all new things build up a confidence in me, so it can't be all bad!!
Life throws many things at us and often they are mundane and boring and often things that we do not want to be doing or see the need to be doing. This morning the assembly was about transformation (which means to change) and the teacher asked "If you could change anything about you what would it be?" My answer would have been the place I am in right now, because the place I want to be in is Uganda. I want to be doing what I know I am called to do. Transformation is good but not always necessary. I know at some point in my future I will transform my life...I will qualify as a nurse, I will move to Uganda and I will marry my love, but right now that transformation is not quite ready to be fulfilled. Right now I have to deal with the mundane life. I have to deal with my uncomfortable and challenging situations that sometimes seem a waste of my time, knowing that in the future they will be of benefit to me, knowing that they have shaped me into the person needed for when my transformation in life comes.
Stick with the mundane times that seem a waste...being confident in who they are helping you to become...being confident that they will benefit you beyond your dreams when your dreams come into fulfillment...when transformation finally comes. x
Well I'm not really sure what to blog about at the moment...actually, yes I do.
Okay, so lately, well, for the past few years, I feel like I have had many challenges going on. I have felt completely alone at times, completely frustrated and I have had times of complete pain and despair where I have just cried out to God for His comfort and some sort of answer. No answers came.
Occasionally I would have a day or two of feeling good again and feeling excited, but no consistency came with this time. I didn't want a happiness or excitement that didn't last. I wanted to feel real again...I wanted to be me.
Then I spent some more time in Uganda and things turned wonderful. I love Uganda and feel completely alive there, but when I return to England things go back to mundane reality and with this comes the frustration and pain...the realisation that I am not living the life I am called to live.
I realise completely what I am called to be and the life I am called to live and I realise that what I am doing right now is not this. I also realise though that my time now is preparing me for my future. It is not what I want to be doing and it is not the ULTIMATE but IT IS the best for me NOW. It is right for me. We all need to be challenged in order to grow and develop.
I have been blessed over the last month because I am now feeling alive and complete. I have been blessed because the Almighty One has answered. He has awoken from His silence and I have come through my storm of rain and hail and fog. I am in a time of sunshine and stars and seeing the light. I AM ME.
'There is a time for everything
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build up,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.'
Ecclesiastes 3 v 1 - 8
These verses completely emphasise the different seasons to our lives...can you see that in every season there is a time of pain and then a time of joy. In every part there is something that will challenge and grow us and then something where this growth flourishes for the use of His glory.
Sometimes God remains silent. Sometimes He answers in ways we desire and imagine. Sometimes He answers in ways we do not desire or imagine. IN ALL TIMES, HE REMAINS TRUE AND GOOD.
'Be strong and let us fight bravely...the
Lord will do what is good in his sight.'
1 Chronicles 19 v 13
'...for it is God who works in you to will and to act
according to his good purpose.'
Philippians 2 v 13
Embrace the season you are in and know that in all times God does do what is best for us and it is always good...especially when we don't feel like it is good. This shows we are in a time of challenge, which shows we are growing and the harvest is about to come. x
Okay, so I am aware that in less than a week it is Valentines Day. To be honest, I haven't really been very aware of it this year, I can't even remember seeing things around town to advertise it...but I'm sure that for some of you, you are very aware of it, maybe for good reasons or maybe for not so good reasons. The whole point of this blog is to encourage those of you who aren't looking forward to it and to encourage those of you who are.
Yes, I have a wonderfully, gorgeous man, but no, we will (once again) not be together on Valentines Day. Am I down about this?! Well, not really I don't think. Partly because I haven't had much of a chance to think about it due to being busy lately, but also because I don't need a named day to express my love to my loved one. I am not saying I disagree with Valentines Day or even despise it, because I completely do not. I am just saying that we don't have to make this bigger than it needs to be. If I was able to be with my man then that would be incredible and very special, but I'm not going to get caught up on us being apart, because I will then come to despise a day that is just named by society and not the creator of our world.
Those of you who aren't looking forward to it, whether it is because you don't yet have a significant other or because you can't be with your significant other, please enjoy anyway. It is a day like any other, just with a fancy name. If you want to join in with the celebrations then show your love to the other special people in your life, but if you don't want to join in just treat it for what it is, just another day.
Those of you who are looking forward to it because of a significant other, please enjoy it and embrace the moment. Love your partner and serve them on this day...but also remember that you shouldn't need a day named by society to love your significant other and serve them. These relationships need love, special treats and giving yourself for them more than once a year and definitely more than just on "special" days. Remember what love is and try to live it out daily.
'Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Lovenever fails...'
1 Corinthians 13 v 4 -8
I encourage all of you to not forget your friends on this day. Do you remember what you felt like on this day when you didn't have someone to share it with?? Do you remember what it felt like not having someone to share your whole life with?? Do you know how hard it may be for those of your friends/family who may have no-one to celebrate this day with?? Or how about your friends who have significant others that they can't be with - could it be hard for them?? Should they be forgotten just because they have somone??
Remember EVERYONE.
Everyone is special...everyone deserves to be celebrated for who they are on this day...everyone should be loved and cherished and desired.
'The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.'
Isaiah 61 v 1 - 3
I was challenged by this bible passage at church on Sunday. It really is what we are called to do. There are different ways to do this, such as volunteering to serve those who cannot do things for themself, for example. Whatever we are called to do as individuals, with the giftings and abilities we have, we are still all called to serve others.
What stood out to me was - 'bestow on them a crown of beauty'. This I realise, is like my mission statement for life, for the ministry I wish to be a part of. Maybe it would be good to think about your own ministry and therefore your own mission statement. Ask God and He will be more than happy to answer and show you what it is you're called to do or be. Maybe just look at what you really love doing and see how you can use this for God.
Remember though, God says '...apart from me you can do nothing...' John 15 v 5.
'...I thank God every time I remember you...It's not at all fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots inreality. You have, after all, stuck with me all the way...All along you have experienced with me the most generous help from God. He knows how much I LOVE and MISSyou these days. Sometimes I think I feel as strongly about you as Christ does!'
' "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not my will, but what you will." '
The NIV. Mark 14 v 36.
' "Papa, Father, you can - can't you? - get me out of this. Take this cup away from me. But please, not what I want - what do you want?" '
The Message. Mark 14 v 36.
Recently I have seemed to be going through so much, which always seems to be frustrating and challenging rather than good. I started to read this book called 'God on Mute' by Pete Greig and it has spoken so clearly to me and has laid down some very important factors. The book is written about unanswered prayer. I guess through all of my challenges I have seen where God has not answered my pleading prayers. To some extent I now realise why. This doesn't necessarily make it easier, but it does help me make some sense of it all, which brings some comfort.
From the bible verse I have written above we can see Jesus coming before God, coming before his father in the most intimate way - he calls him Abba which is Aramaic for father - Jesus' own language. Jesus comes before his Abba and asks him to take away his pain, acknowledging that it is possible for Him to end this, but he also asks Abba to have His own way, acknowledging that maybe God's will is different to his own. Jesus knows God for who He is and knows that in all things He is the Almighty One possible of doing anything, but that He is also the Almighty One who chooses to do what is best.
In the book Pete talks about us coming before God knowing that He is possible to do what we ask but knowing at the same time that what we ask is not always the best. Pete talks about us coming before God with our pain whilst allowing God to have His own way, the way that will bring the most glory. Sometimes we have to go against our own desires in order to glorify God mightily. Wow, what a thought!! We can humble ourselves and our needs in our most vulnerable and painful times in order to expose Gods glory.
Reading this has made me change my tune about my present sufferings (which in comparison to most are not really sufferings at all). Life is not made to be easy. We must embrace life for what it is, the good and the not so good. We must be willing to sacrifice all for Gods glory. How amazing would it be to know that in our darkest moments God was being glorified in the most extraordinary way?!
Suffering is hard and God longs to hear our hurt and our anger and our pain in these times...but suffering can sometimes bring the most glory. Be released in knowing that you are honouring Him through all of this!!
'There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.' 1 John 4 v 18.
Emily, Soul Sista Conference Day: 'Relationships enrich your life, they don't define it.'
Grays Anatomy: 'Don't chase me unless you're ready to catch me.'
The Notebook: 'The best kind of love is the type that weakens the soul and leaves you reaching for more...it plants a fire in your heart and a peace in your mind.'
Viola De Lesseps (Shakespeare in Love): 'I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No...not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that...over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play.'
Ren and Ariel (Footloose): 'I'll sing to you of silver swans, of kingdoms and carillons. I'll sing of bodies interwined, underneath an innocent sky.'
Ice Princess: 'Passion makes people go on to do exceptional things.'
One Tree Hill: 'People love a guy who rises from the ashes.'
Timo Cruz (Coach Carter): 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve this world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'
Bob Marley: 'The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.'
A Walk To Remember: 'Take a risk, dare to move, love is a leap of faith. When your heart says yes but the world says no, don’t let anyone stand in your way.'
Perfume advert: 'A life without passion is unforgivable.'
Helmany: 'Culture is the lens through which we see the world.'
'...Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration - what a creation! ... Your thoughts - how rare, how beautiful!' Psalm 139 v 13 - 17 The Message.
TV Programme: 'Open your heart. Be brave. Be true. You will see it in his eyes.'
C S Lewis: 'The beauty of the female is the root of joy to the female as well as to the male...to desire the enjoying of her own beauty is the obedience of Eve, and to both it is in the lover that the beloved tastes of her own delightfulness.'
'Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.' 1 John 3 v 18.
Mother Teresa: 'A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love.'
Amy Bloom: 'Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and choice of partner.'
Crazy/Beautiful: 'When it's real, when it's right, don't let anything stand in your way.'
Okay, so I have another video for you guys. I put Kiss 100 on the music channels to play the other day and there was this song playing, the lyrics really stood out to me. Here are some of the lyrics:
Mary J Blige
Just Fine
'So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Don't stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my vibe right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine
Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I’m not complaining
And I’m a still wear a smile if it's raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it's fine
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Aint worried about you and what you gonna do
I’m a lady so I must stay classy
Got to keep it hot, keep it together
If I want to get better
See I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
See I won’t change my life, my life’s just fine
I ain't gon’ let nothing get in my way
(I ain't gon' let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)
No matter what nobody has to say
(No way, no way, no way)
I ain’t gon’ let nothing get in my way
No matter what nobody has to say.'
I just love what she has to say about life and how we shouldn't let anyone get in our way. I love that she declares that she likes what she sees when she walks past the mirror - how many of us can say that?? I love how she says we should do what we love, get the best out of life and wear a smile even when it's raining. How many of us actually smile when things aren't all fine around us?? How many of us ignore what others say and just live our own life??
I think there is a lesson, or maybe several lessons, to be learnt through this song. Things are never going to be great all the time, that is life. We are going to have challenging times and even completely horrific times. We are all going to get disappointed and ripped apart by others. We are all going to dislike ourselves...but are these all reasons for giving up on everything?? For giving up on our life which is probably actually 'just fine'??
At the moment I seem to be going through challenge after challenge, ever since I started college actually. I feel like I have just had this consistency of struggles. Sunshine seems to peek out at times but not for long. The rain comes in pretty quick and pretty heavy, but I'm not about to declare that that's it, my life isn't worth it anymore, because I know that my life is actually 'just fine'. Yes, I am also not about to say that's all my life is going to be either. I don't want a life that is 'just fine' but I'd rather it be 'just fine' than damn right awful. I know that in all my challenges and struggles I am being grown and strengthened for the next thing. I know that it is in Him that I find my strength and my trust and my life. I know that through all this He is having His will, which means my life will be much more than 'just fine'....incredible, amazing, extraordinary even.
Maybe your life isn't as you wished it would be or what you hoped it would be at this time but maybe there is a lesson to be learnt?? Maybe this is strengthening you for the next season of your life?? Maybe this time is the lesson before success??
We are all called to live incredible, amazing and extraordinary lives...we are all called to shine.
Timo Cruz
Coach Carter
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve this world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'
Where is our identity found?? Everybody has an identity whether they realise it or not. When we are born we have the right to be given a name, a date of birth and a place of birth, as a way of giving us some sort of identity. Even before birth we may have an identity, after all, doesn't God state that he knew us before we were even conceived?!
'....My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.' Psalm 139 v 15-16 NIV.
The reason I've put these pictures up is because I thought they mixed with the topic quite well. Sunday before Christmas we had a fancy dress party at church for all the young people, as part of our Christmas celebrations. It was really fun and nearly every person was dressed differently. It was a night of dressing as someone different to ourselves, a time when we could step into the shoes of someone with a different identity and yes, it was fun but also it was just pretend and everybody knew that. It was just for the sake of making a normal party slightly different and more entertaining.
It was for nothing more than fun but that's not true for everyone is it?! I know that everyone goes through phases of finding themselves...learning who we are and what it is we wish to do with our own lives, but this time can be confusing and hard and also full of pressure from those around us. I know that I have only truly discovered who I am since I have left school...since I have come away from the peer pressure that school brings and since I have only carried out things that I have chosen to carry out myself.
If we all look at our lives I'm sure we can see where we have once taken on a different identity to our own..maybe now, maybe in the past, but it doesn't have to be like that. I came to learn that my identity is not in the things of the world, but in the things of the world I am working towards - my identity is in God and who He says I am. When I was at school I was so caught up with trying to have the newest, most fashionable clothes and having some hot guy think the same of me that I forgot the important things. I forgot that none of these things bring consistent and complete happiness. I forgot that these things didn't have to determine who I say I am and what I think of myself. I forgot that people know no different to what the world says brings happiness but that doesn't have to be the case.
Once I remembered God's promises over my life and that I live to serve Him and no other, I became myself. I stood once again in my own identity...created for me before time even began. I guess there is a time before this period of discovering who we are when we actually live in our own identity - when we are children. Yes, we don't tend to look to the future and what we wish to achieve so much, but when we are children we are not pressurised by others so much...we are content as ourselves. We are who we are and there is no questionning. All comes down to believing God as children do, doesn't it?! Having the faith and vulnerability of a child?!
'They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. How attractive and beautiful they will be!...Then how they'll shine! shimmer! glow! the young men robust, the young women lovely!' Zechariah 9 v 16-17 NIV and The Message (emphasis added).
Okay, so what is family exactly and should it be one of the most important things in your life?? I heard a quote once that said something like the family you come from isn't as important as the family you'll have.
For me, I completely agree with this. Over the last week or so especially, I have been recognising the need for a new family, for the family that will one day be called mine, instead of my parents.
I am home for the Christmas holidays and life is tuff at home with my parents and siblings. I love them to bits and I love spending time with them, but the time has come when I truly need to spread my wings and fly away. I have lived away from home for nearly two years now and there are times when I am truly homesick but now I realise it is not home that I long for, it is the companionship I receive from being with those that have known me from the beginning. It is the love that always lasts even when I'm in my foulest and most emotional moods. It is the familiarity of being with those that I know I can completely be myself with.
I miss people but not home itself. I miss my parents and my sisters and my brother but I don't miss my parents family. I realise, I kinda miss what I haven't yet lived...I miss, or rather, I long for, MY family...mine and Pauls family!!
Family can't come until you know yourself though, know who you are and what you are called to be. I think it's important and even crucial to have a time where you are by yourself, in order to truly find yourself and learn and develop who you are and who you are in Christ. After all, how can you find your true self and your true calling when you are caught up with another person?! Yes, this time probably means being single but why shouldn't that be embraced?! If we embrace this time, we learn to build a firm foundation for our future, for life. We become strong in who we are and what we desire and we become strong in Christ. It is then that we can embrace family, embrace life with another. The foundation is built so the family stays strong and lasts. After all, shouldn't family be forever, just as marriage is?!
Family is exciting and the family that we will one day create I believe is more important than the family we are already a part of, our parents family. Without this family that isn't called our own, where we are imparted into, where we are grown and where we learn things for the family we will one day have, we are nothing...this family is important but it's not the end!!
As the first day of 2008 comes to a close, I pray that this year people will embrace their circumstances - whether they are single or not, whether they are still living in their parents family or have already started creating their own, so they may be blessed and strengthened and encouraged. May you embrace family for what it is and everyday live for your family...to remain strong and therefore FOREVER.
us with things such as love and compassion. Above it all, He blesses us with things that are 'good'. 'Good' is used a lot in the bible and so often in relation to who God Himself is. God is good and so if He blesses us with good things, they really must be 'GOOD'.
us with things such as love and compassion. Above it all, He blesses us with things that are 'good'. 'Good' is used a lot in the bible and so often in relation to who God Himself is. God is good and so if He blesses us with good things, they really must be 'GOOD'.
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