Heartache.

Fear is an awful thing, but something that hinders each one of us.

How is it that when something dreadful happens, fear creeps in?? It fits into that small part of our lives which doesn't quite seem secure enough...it comes in and takes over...if we let it.

Over the past year or two I have seen heartache after heartache. In my work, in my church, in my family, in my own relationships. Heartaches that shake you up and stir something inside of you which doesn't quite settle. Heartaches that make you realise life is precious but so easily taken away. Heartaches that make you question everything, including those things and those people you have always been so certain of. Heartaches that make you question God.

I question God a lot at the moment. I question what He allows to happen. I question why He doesn't do the miracles He is so capable of. I question why He lets us go on in life with extreme pain and injustice.

The thing is, even though I question Him and I fear what my life may consist of through the years, I still cling to Him. All I know is that I cannot go on without Him because I would become nothing and my life would become meaningless (John 15 v 5).

Fear will tear you down if you allow it to. Don't let it take over your life.

Yes, question God, but do not reject Him. He is forever and will outlast anything or anyone.

Compassion.

' "How can I give you up...? How can I hand you over...?... My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devestate... For I am God, not man - the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. They will follow the Lord; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west. They will come trembling like birds from Egypt, like doves from Assyria. I will settle them in their homes," declares the Lord.' Hosea 11 v 8 -11.

God is a fierce but compassionate God - can't you see that from this passage?? Now, sometimes it feels like He is completely against us and doesn't seem to come through for us when we need Him, but isn't that just our ideas? God does know what is best and He does fight for us through all things. He is there for us and provides for us whenever we need Him. It might feel like there are times when He isn't for us but that is just our feelings, that isn't truth.

This lesson I seem to be learning over and over again right now. In fact, I think I've been learning the same lesson for several years now and I still don't seem to take it all in. Things have happened and I have screamed at God asking Him what the hell is going on and why the hell didn't He come through for me in my situation...it felt like He was nowhere to be seen and He didn't actually do what He could have done, but this is me putting my restrictions on God and telling Him to do exactly what I want. This isn't trusting Him for who He is and believing in Him through all things. Yes, it is very hard to trust God when things seem to fall apart and when you feel like you gave your everything to Him just to have it thrown back in your face, but God DOES know best and He will ALWAYS come through for you and for me.

Honestly, this is truth...trust Him in everything, even when everything falls into crashes around you. It's the only way. x

Appreciation.

I don't really know what to blog about today but just knew I wanted to. Are you outside right now?? I am and it's glorious. This is the England I love...when the sun gets warm and shines all day...when people are out and about in the natural world...when the light continues for what seems like all night...and when people are generally happy, all because of the feeling of summer.

I love it. I love this. I love summer. I love sunshine. I love how things change just because the sun is shining. This is one of the things I miss and will continue to miss about England when I travel some place else. I will miss the summer days and evenings. I will miss the parks. I will miss the beauty that our country, England, possesses.

Do you ever think that life would be better if you lived somewhere else? Somewhere where it's shining everyday?? Somewhere which feels like summer all of the time?? Somewhere where people are different??

I use to think that. I use to think that I cannot wait to live somewhere else but over the last few years I have truly started to apppreciate England and everything it offers. Do you not see the beauty around you?? Not many places have four seasons in such extravagance. Not many places have snow and sun and blossom and green in one year. Not many places have days that last until 10pm where you can sit outside all evening and not feel cold. Not many places have trees that shed their leaves and then just a few months later blossom so beautifully. Not many places have the fresh, crispness of Autumn or the warm breeze of Spring. Not many places have parks full of green and full of colour where you can sit freely. Not many places have traditional pubs, or traditional seaside resorts. Not many places make food like we do :) Think about it...think about all the things that England offers that you can't get anywhere else...the food, the surroundings, the music, the history. Do you now see what we offer?? Do you now see the blessings that surround you at this very moment?!

Just take a moment to contemplate life here and learn to appreciate it. Learn to appreciate YOUR life and YOUR country and YOUR home. Appreciate life. See the blessings and be thankful.

I still want to live abroad at some point in my life but it's not because I can't wait to get away from England. Think before you moan about your home, your friends, your family, your country, your man, your women next time...learn to appreciate these things, these people and learn to show that appreciation.

It could change your life. x

Predictability.

'Trust His character, not His predictability.'

What does this mean? For me, it means that even when everything seems to fall apart around you, you carry on trusting God because everything about His character is good. There is nothing we can fault about God. We may question what He is letting go on in our life and to some that may be seen as a fault, that God does not always create miracles in our lives, but He is not to be faulted. He is the everlasting one, the almighty one, the great one, who is forever and who is forever for us and who is always good, always working out things for good.

This also means to me that when everything falls apart, the plan that was original was obviously not the one God wanted. It may have been the one we wanted and the one that we even predicted God to carry out, but it was in fact not His way. After all, in His word it states that 'Many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.' Proverbs 19 v 21.

Recently, Paul and myself have experienced this. The plan fell through and it was a plan which we were certain of. A plan we were certain would work and a plan we were certain God had intended. Obviously not though and it is hard for me to say and realise that perhaps we were predicting our God and His ways, instead of just following and trusting Him every step of the way.

The next step is to trust God, to trust His character and to never predict His ways.

Let me leave you with this -

'...sorrow comes to all and each has to deal with it individually, either learning its lessons, or being crushed by its bitterness...'

I'll Be Your Lover Too.

'I'll be your man
And I'll understand
I'll do my best
To take good care of you

You'll be my Queen
I'll be your King
And I'll be your lover too
Yes I will

Derry down green
Colour of my dream
A dream that's daily coming true
Oooh and when the day is through
I will come to you and tell you of
Your many charms

And girl you look at me
With eyes that see
And we'll melt into each others eyes

You'll be my Queen
I'll be your King
And I'll be your lover too.'

What does this song say to you? Does it tell of a fairytale that never comes?? Or a fairytale that is just for some? Or even, a fairytale that is for everyone but only ever for a short time? Sometimes, I do not know what I think of fairytales...but I do believe in them. I believe that love is for everyone and love like this is only ever experienced by the mere few...but I believe that is not the way it should be. I think this tells of a love that people desire and crave for but are actually not prepared to give for. Love does not come easy and it is not something that is just given to us. Love comes at a price and is always full of sacrifice. Love is never easy and it must to be given from us to others.

I think God created a love like this for us and we need to realise this in order to hope for it and work for it. Song of Songs in the bible is a love story...between God and His people but also between people themselves...between a man and his wife. With bible verses such as, 'Take me away with you-let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers (1v4)' and 'How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves...(4v1)', how can we question fairytale love?? Doves are used within the bible as a symbol of peace and salvation. What does this verse mean then, when the man is saying this to his lady? That she brings peace and salvation to him perhaps??

I do not know...make what you will of these verses and this song and of my thoughts. They are not necessarily truth but these are some of the things I believe. I believe in a love that is true and that shows a man fighting for his lady. I believe in a love where the man and the lady give for one another in order to love one another and have one another. I believe in a love that does not come easily, a love that must be worked hard for...but all in all, a love that is true and right and pure. A love that can be everyone of ours...a love like seen in a fairytale.

Rest.

'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.' The words of Jesus, Mark 6 v 31.

Do we sometimes forget what it means to take some time out to rest? Do we sometimes get caught up with the busyness life throws at us and forget what life truly is?? Do we forget to take time out for ourselves or do we just focus on ourselves in other ways?

You know what your answers are to these questions and you probably know what your answers should be. I'm not here to state what is right or wrong as people are individuals and it's different according to circumstance too, but do we prioritise rightly?

This bible verse stood out to me last week and I fell in love with it, with the simplicity but depth of it. To take time out, to go somewhere quiet, by ourselves and to simply rest...to simply be...with Him, with our creator and the only one who can truly bring us rest. Try it. x

Tears.

"Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."

The words of 'Papa' (God), in the book The Shack.

I love these words because I see such truth in them...maybe it's just because it backs up my argument that tears are good and we should never try to shut them in, but still, I see truth in them somehow.

I tend to cry a lot, especially lately and I do not care at all. Sometimes I get told by the people closest to me to try to calm down (stop my tears). I don't mind this because they are looking out for me and they just want what is best for me and to be honest, I guess crying less would help me right now because it tends to wear me out, but I cannot help it. As the quote says, tears are the very words we don't know how to speak or the words we just can't or don't want to speak. They express something in us that nothing or no-one else can. They relieve, well, usually, some of the emotions whirling around inside of us which then helps with healing that may be needed or whatever else is needed so we can then move on.

All I know for myself is that tears will always come and they are never a sign of weakness, a sign that should be hidden. Tears are instead, an expression of what we are travelling through at that very moment - they express part of who we are, even if just for a glimmer.

Always know that someone is there to cling to through the tears you cry. It doesn't always appear that way and sometimes we would rather cry alone, but there is power in sharing your burden and your pain.

Cry those tears freely and know that with them healing can come. x

Storms.

I don't really know what to write and right now I do not seem to be writing very much. It just makes you think what you do when things don't always go the way you planned. What do we normally do? We shut ourselves away from the world, we wallow in our self pity and just focus completely on us. Why is that?! Wouldn't it be better for us to focus on the better part of life, to focus on what life could be right now if we let it???

I dislike storms very much. I hate how they make you feel. I hate how they hurt. I hate how they make you cry tears you never thought you had. I hate how they make life seem completely ugly when it is in fact completely beautiful.

However, storms are there for a purpose and believe it or not, they make you into the person you should and need to be, not only for yourself but for those who also depend on you in some way or another.

I'm watching PS I Love You and Holly goes through rubbish that most of us will never even come close to and yet what does she do?? Yes, she wallows in self pity but surely she is entitled to that, but she is changed for the better. Through all the rubbish and the hurt and the pain, she grasps hold of the moment, works through it and carries on with her dream. Her storm, in some way, makes her move into her dream.

Amazing...beautiful...incredible...graspable by all of us...

International Hospital Kampala.

This should have been put on a blog AGES ago, it is my report from my time at IHK in Uganda last year.

'I have just spent four weeks working at International Hospital Kampala (IHK), which is situated in Kisugu, just outside of the city centre of Kampala, the capital of Uganda. In one sentence, I have loved this placement and experience. In more than one sentence, these are the reasons why…

On first impressions the hospital is beautiful. It is a lovely building, within lovely grounds. Many of the walls have beautiful paintings on. You walk in and know it isn’t England, yet you don’t quite know it is Africa either.

It’s small in comparison to hospitals in England but then maybe it’s because this is a private hospital and medical/health care is considerably more expensive than at other medical/health centres.

The professional team works differently. The wards never seem to be short of nurses, which is a very rare occurrence within England. The team of doctors is considerably smaller though.

There are many variances but I’m unsure of the reason for these. I don’t know if they are due to this being Uganda and me comparing it to England, or this being a general hospital and me comparing it to my usual paediatric setting.

One reason I love Uganda is because there are no restrictions on your faith. Within the hospital it is no surprise to hear Christian music, praying, people talking of their God and to see bibles being read. One nurse told me that she often sees mums praying for their premature babies and she confidently does the same. Faith, wherever it may stem from, is openly expressed and even encouraged here – a part of holistic care that is often forgotten by many in England.

To find a fast paced Ugandan is not the norm – being inside and outside of work has shown me this. Their jobs are done in a more relaxed manner. What is the point of rushing to get somewhere when you can enjoy the journey? Why rush the job when there is company to be enjoyed? In England this attitude may be perceived as lazy but it is far from that. This is their culture, their way of life - culture is ‘the lens through which we see the world (Helmany 2000)...there is no restriction to what that lens may look like. Our culture is paramount to who we are and it differs from person to person. We have to remember this when dealing not only with our patients but our colleagues as well.

My experiences varied, dealing with a variety of patients with a variety of conditions, dealing with both English and non-English speaking patients, of all ages and even all nationalities. I experienced my first delivery and it was a beautiful thing – something more cherishable than people realise. I saw my first theatre procedures, some of which ran considerably smoothly and some that didn’t. I dealt with patients who were at times critical and patients who were extremely well. Within the short 4 weeks I experienced more than I have experienced in the past two years of my training in England.

Nurses seem to have more responsibility here than in England. Maybe this has something to do with the smaller team of doctors but either way it has effective benefits. There is no waiting around for a doctor to fit a cannula or take blood, which is often the case on the childrens wards I’ve worked on, because that is their role – part of the nurses immediate care for their patient. And what nurses do students can do. It feels like students actually become nurses in their training here. Students (and even nurses) are not restricted, so they are free to nurse and therefore are free to become nurses.

My experience was worthwhile and I loved it. It was not my first time in Uganda so I wouldn’t say culture shock really affected me, but whenever I go new things are shown to me about their country and their way of life. Uganda is a beautiful country and the people are also beautiful. I would say to everyone that they should experience Africa at some point in their life, through some sort of student placement or voluntary work – it shows you something different about life and affects you for the good. It helps you to rebalance your priorities and see what the important things in life actually are.

Nicola Godward, Student Childrens Nurse
19th May – 15th June 2008
International Hospital Kampala, Uganda, East Africa
Negotiated Nursing Placement'

That's it, hope you liked it and I hope you enjoyed the music I chose to put with it, I wanted something Ugandan but the music I really love I don't know what they are singing so thought I better not include that on here just in case :) and the video wasn't the most appropriate either.

Enjoy...a glimpse of my future. x

Run...Soar.

This is Leona Lewis' new single, a cover of Snow Patrols 'Run'. I love this song. Her voice is completely amazing and when she sings, she sings with such passion and emotion and feeling.

Some of the lyrics read:

'Light up, light up,

As if you have a choice,

Even if you cannot hear my voice,

I'll be right beside you, dear.'

Tonight I've met with some friends from church as we are planning the worship for Sunday. I shared this bible verse:

'Praise the Lord O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compasssion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.'

Psalm 103 v 1-5.

The song sings about getting through something knowing someone is there even when you can't hear/see them. For me this relates to God. I know He is there even though I cannot physically see Him. There is also always a choice - light always comes.

The bible verse talks about who our God is. The fact that He is holy and should be praised. He blesses us with so many benefits. He forgives ALL our sins. He crowns us with things such as love and compassion. Above it all, He blesses us with things that are 'good'. 'Good' is used a lot in the bible and so often in relation to who God Himself is. God is good and so if He blesses us with good things, they really must be 'GOOD'.

Us excepting God as this helps us to soar as eagles. We take that leap of faith and soar with Him. We cannot necessarily hear His voice and see Him but we choose to leap off the edge anyway and we are blessed with the magnificent, exciting, adventurous soaring that an eagle experiences.

There Can Be Miracles.

This is a video clip from the film Prince of Egypt - the song makes this scene very powerful and emotional.

I haven't blogged much lately, life seems kinda empty - nothing to speak of I guess, but I was listening through my music today and a copy of this song came on. One line stood out to me:

'And it's easy to give into your fears...'

That is so true isn't it?! We go through all these tough, demanding times, similar to what I blogged about last time and the easiest thing to do would be to dwell on the bad times, feel sorry for ourselves and give into those fears...but is that the best thing to do??

The song tells us there can be miracles. The song is sung at a time in the film when thousands of people are seeing no clear way, they feel stranded, yet they are told to step out and trust...to not give into their fears of things coming to nothing, but trusting that God can and will do this - 'there can be miracles, when you believe...you will when you believe...'

The word 4 u 2day says this -

'God never asks you to do something without helping you achieve it. The more you get to know God, the more you learn to trust Him and the easier it becomes to be happy inside, no matter what is happening.'

'Don't feel bad. They joy of God is your strength!' Nehemiah 8 v 10.

Moving Mountains.

Open the video in a new window http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64EjuSEXsYg I tried to put the video on here but the codes needed are all disabled on youtube. Sorry.

This is Ushers latest song 'Moving Mountains'.

I'm not really with it at the moment, I have only just heard this song, but I love it. Songs like this always get me hooked. Songs about pain and hurt. Songs about trying to get through the rain and the storm.

Some of the lyrics read:

'I know sorries, just wouldn't do it

Her heart is obliterated, I'm trying to travel through

But it's like moving mountains...

It's like moving mountains...

But I keep climbing and hoping things would change

And the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain washes progress away

It's like moving mountains...

It's like moving mountains...'

What does this song say to you? Can you relate to it and everything it sings of??

Are the troubles you're going through bringing obliteration? Does it seem like you have to move mountains to come through? Everytime you take a step is it washed away by the rain that pours down around you??

It's true, trouble does appear like this at times and when you think it couldn't get any worse it does. When you feel like you can't take it anymore and nothing makes sense. Everything, every simple task seems like a struggle and every little thing brings you to tears and anger.

Life sucks at times...sometimes it seems like it sucks most of the time, but that is the way life is. Struggles come but they do go. We work through them and when the rain comes we fall back, but our steps are always larger and bigger than rain drops, aren't they?!

Think about it..........

Skates.

At the weekend I went to this fab roller disco in London. It was a family members 21st and we dressed up and made an absolute night of it. I loved it and had lots of fun!!

I fell over three times......now you're thinking I must have been rubbish, but that ain't true :) I usually think I'm alright at skating but always manage to fall over and I usually blame it on other people!!

Is that the way though? Do I trip coz it is actually someones elses fault, or do I trip coz I'm the one who faulted?!

I guess it's that way with our lives and our faith and our beliefs as well as our morals and principals. We all trip up at times but do we unconciously or even deliberately blame others for our trips?? Do we automatically think that it can't be us and it's actually someone else?

Of course we do, that is life and that is what being a human does I guess. We have to remember that this is OUR life though and even though there is a higher person than us, someone who can change our life around, our life will always be OURS to live. We make the decisions, whether good or bad. Yes, people do influence but we make the ulimate decision. We can't go around blaming others because we will never improve and become stronger and better. Like with skating, if I continually blame others for my trips I won't think that there is anything to work on, so I will always continue tripping. It's the same with life.

Patience.

At the moment I don't feel like I have much patience. There is one thing that I am really longing for and that I actually feel ready for and it is hard waiting for something with the patience required.

I do not want to be impatient...I want to practice those things which are good and which will bring more character, yet how does this happen when the things you long for seem so far away??

My answer is - I don't have an answer. I guess we just have to pursue our passions with the hope that what we long for IS coming - somewhere, someday.

'...We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end,

in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy,

but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised...'

Hebrews 6 v 11 - 12

Pictures of Life.

Sunshine.

I am sorry I haven't blogged in so long, it's been a busy few weeks.

To be honest, life is busy and I don't know if it will ever change.

I am thankful for one thing today though.

It has been beautiful the last few days and I absolutely adore times like this.

It reminds me of what I love and how beautiful the world is.

Many times I would rather not be in England. In fact, at times I despise the country I live in. People have priorities wrong and lives are not lived as they should be. Most of the time the weather is rubbish as well...but when the sun shines it really does and I begin to love England again. I love summer evenings where I can sit in the garden, eat and drink with my friends and family. Evenings where the sun shines until 10 and where it never gets cold. Evenings where I can sit alone and enjoy the starlight and candlelight.

The last few nights I was working nights at work and on all my breaks I went outside. I sat under the stars in the cool breeze and it was beautiful. My shifts were enjoyable because I got to enjoy the beauty of nature and the beauty of life.

Look around you and enjoy what you see and what you feel. Life isn't always about the material things and the people we are with. Yes, I know that these moments of beauty would be so much more beautiful if shared with my man but they have a beauty of their own when they are shared alone.

See what the Lord has for you in the next few days. See what He says through the nature He created so beautifully and so perfectly.

Much love from me to you. x

Prayer.

I don't really have anything on my heart to blog about at the moment but I want to blog anyway, maybe just for the sake of it and also coz I have some new pictures which I love, so I want to share them.

This week is a prayer and fasting week at the church here. Last night was the first prayer meeting of the week and it was amazing. There were several points throughout the hall that highlighted different things to pray for. Some was specific for the church and specific ministries, others were just for the nation.

It was really great praying for people, ministries and countries that I have never known or been a part of. I think it just reminded me that we need to pray for our world, whether or not we feel 100% part of it all of the time. The world is not just full of the people that we know, it is full of many who are all called to do many different things.

It also got me to pray about Uganda, the country I am in now and the country I am so passionate about. Do I usually pray for Uganda? No. Why though? A country which has my heart and is full of the many special people in my life and yet I do not regularly pray for it. Are we becoming a society that is selfish to its core? Are we becoming a people that forgets the wider picture?

We want to see change in the world yet we don't want to proactively make that change occur. I am not trying to condemn, I am just trying to question. I am passionate about seeing change yet I don't always pray about it. Maybe it is time...time to grasp a hold of the important things in life and to make a stand to make a difference through prayer.

Now that's said, here are some new pics.

Tradition.

What do we think of tradition and how do we see it? Is it something to be treasured and held onto? Or maybe something that should be locked away and long forgotten?

'Tradition is beliefs or customs taught by one generation to the next.'

Wikipedia (2008)

Yesterday I visited a fishing town on the shores of Lake Victoria called Gerenge. I went with a team that were teaching Primary Health Care. This town is stuck in tradition and through what my eyes saw, this tradition would be better off forgotten.

This village isn't especially poor compared to other villages that we visited this week but the people, especially the men, spend their money poorly. I guess like many people in England do.

The men fish and spend their money on alcohol and prostitutes, leaving the women to work in order to provide shelter and food for their large families. The women told us that a small family consisted of at least 4-8 children. This would be a large family in England!!

The town is small and to be honest not much can be done to improve conditions unless peoples attitudes change. How do you change peoples attitudes though? You can encourage them and try to inspire them but at the end of the day all of that is nothing unless their heart is radically changed and sharpened. Only God can do this seemingly impossible task.

Looking at the village, it is so similar to England. Yes, we have sanitation. Yes, we don't live in rubbish tips...but we don't always have the right attitude towards money and towards family - whether we're Christian or not.

Will being saved changed these peoples hearts? Maybe but then maybe not. There is no point being saved if you are just going to live in the same routine and with the same mindset - you need a change of heart and attitude. Your thoughts have to be changed in order to change your behaviour, which is often hard in a society where change is minimal.

The good thing is that God can do all this and so much more. He promises us that He is able 'to do immeasureably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,' Ephesians 3 v 20 NIV. What about The Message version, 'God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!' God CAN do this!! He CAN change Gerenge and He CAN change England - He CAN do MORE than we ask or imagine but it starts with us 'according to His power that is at work WITHIN US'. We can't be lazy on this, we have to try.

To end on a good note, the children were as beautiful and as vibrant as ever.

Much love to you all as always. Maybe think about your heart and whether it's in the right place or not. x

Life = Beauty.

I am so excited to say that yesterday I saw my first ever birth!!!! From day one I said to my supervisors that I really wanted to see a birth and it happened yesterday...now I wish I could see more and more!! It was really a beautiful and amazing thing, something so precious and something to be treasured for eternity.

The baby came out and was cleaned up and then I was the nurse who done everything else - what a priviledge!! I clamped the cord, took a blood sample from it and cut the remaining cord off. I gave the baby an IM injection of Vitamin K to reduce bleeding and some eye ointment and I assessed him head-to-toe. I then weighed the baby and dressed/wrapped him. I then handed him over to his family. The mum and dad thanked me, but why?! I was the one to thank them. They gave me the priviledge of seeing their first child being born and being the one to assess and dress him.

WOW - what an experience!!!! Now I really really want to do midwifery. I know I want to be a childrens nurse but I also know I want to be able to assist with bringing life into the world. To be the first person to hold a new baby and to have the opportunity to bless them with Gods love, protection and Spirit. We'll see where this desire goes though because that would mean another three years of hard work and study which I am definitely not ready for yet.

Work has been wonderful this week. I have been all over the hospital and today I was in theatre and saw several operations - a c/section being one of them (note to self - always always opt for a natural delivery over a c/section!!!!). Work has been busy and so I have loved it. In outpatients the sister has given me more responsibility and so I have felt more like a nurse and someone who actually knows what they are doing. My confidence is growing daily and I am so excited to be a childrens nurse in life - this is something I am made to do and truly love to do!!

It's such a shame tomorrow is my last day but then at least I have some me time. Also, it's my mans birthday so I must plan something nice for him. I completely adore being here and I will dread returning to England. The only exciting thing about returning to England is qualifying and then my man visiting me.

God has completely blessed me by showing me the beauty of life. Never doubt that life is precious!! x

Uganda ROCKS.

Hey again everyone.

First moan of the blog - this computer is SOOOOO slow and it's driving me crazy, lol!! Second moan, work is a bit slow still and I've decided that I like it when people are actually ill, lol.

So, the last week and a half has been AMAZING!! I have loved it so much more than my first week here and I think it's because I have now settled into life here again and also coz I've been doing more stuff that I actually want to do.

Since the first week when I didn't get much time with my man, things have been easier and better. We have seen each other a lot more and I just feel more like myself with him now. I've realised that it does take so much time to really trust someone and show your true self to them and I think now is the time when that trust has really been solidly built.

Work was great last week because I was in the inpatient ward which was a lot busier than the charity ward. I felt like I had more confidence and I was given more to do. Communication is still hard though. Most patients speak English because of the nature of the hospital, but it can still be difficult. I'm in outpatients this week and it's slow so not really very good. One thing to mention though - they pray every morning during handover. I love this!! People are just free to be themselves here and there is no fear of mentioning God or bringing prayer actively into care. I don't even know how praying during handover in England would be perceived but why not?! Whether people believe or not that there is a God and a God who answers prayer, why can't we pray and hope for it?! Why don't we actively give the day over to someone who is so much higher and so far beyond us as mere human beings??

Anyway, that is it for now. I will try to blog more regularly now but who knows and sorry it's short - the computer is rubbish.

Just a thought - give everything over to God and see what He does.

Much love. x