Merry Christmas.

Hey everyone.

I haven't blogged for ages, sorry!! I have been so busy lately with my essay for university. I don't know why but even though my essays only have to be 3000 words they seem to take me forever. This one needed so much background reading but thankfully it was an interesting subject, so I really enjoyed doing it.

Our essay was all about Children's Rights, how society views children and young people and also how culture affects nursing care given to children and young people. It's amazing to know what rights children actually have, there are so many of them and they are so detailed. It's great knowing though, because it gives you a greater understanding of children and also helps you to see when children and young people are not being treated as they should be.

For the scenario for my essay, which is used as a base for the essay, in order to help us relate theory to practice, I used an African baby who had been circumcised at home by an unregistered doctor. The procedure created complications, such as severe bleeding and obviously questionning about whether this procedure was a breach of child protection or not.

The thing is though, the nurses didn't understand the family and the culture they have...how it was important culturally for their baby boy to have this procedure done and how it was considered fine for this unregistered doctor to perform the procedure. What was needed was the nurses to step into the shoes and therefore culture of the parents, just to give a little perspective in order to have a little understanding, therefore understanding that this procedure was not done to harm the boy but to bring health.

Anyway, now I'm blabbing. I guess some people just aren't aware that everyone lives their life according to their personal, family culture. This culture isn't just to do with what country you come from but what your family imparts into you as you grow and develop. People need to understand and see that everywhere you look there are different cultures and ways of life.

Interesting though...especially as the question that arose was about whether or not this sort of procedure means the childs rights aren't upheld, whether done by registered professionals or not. Should this procedure be deferred until the child is old enough to make the decison himself or should the parents really be able to impart their culture into their child in this way?? How do we allow people to have their rights upheld whilst giving them the guidance and sometimes orders that they need, especially children and young people?! It's a hard topic and I know there aren't any black and white answers...we just have to remember that everyone has the right of freedom to choose their own will and way...hard but true!!

Anyway, that's about it from me, not sure why I shared this all as I'm sure you're not particularly interested in the topic of circumcision :) but I was interested!! Maybe it brings up some other questions though...

How do we bring up our children and young people rightly, giving them the best level of freedom but also discipline they need??

Are there right and wrong ways or is it just trial and error with each individual??

All I know is that we all need freedom and we all need structure and I sure can't wait to put my knowledge into practice when I have my own children :) exciting stuff!! Hard but exciting!!

Much love and Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Fire.

Okay, I have another song for you. I don't care what you think of this song, I absolutely LOVE it!! I don't know why, I just think it's wonderful.

It's this guy singing about this girl that he is into. He talks about the fact that she is not just into any guy, she is waiting for the 'one' and she is not prepared to compromise. I just love this whole scenario, how someone can just want to wait so patiently and strongly for someone they may never have met before...someone who they know they will love immensely even though they are not yet together.

How is it people can wait like that?? How can people be so sure they will meet that someone who will fill them with desire?? I don't know really, I guess this is an act of faith isn't it!? I mean, I waited for my man, maybe not as patiently and strongly as I should have, but I still waited without compromise and I believe that I and also he will be blessed because of that.

'Lots of guys have been up to her but she told them she was waiting,

For the one that God sent to fulfill her kind of craving,

A special kind of loving...

Everytime that I look into your eyes I see fire in there,
And if you look into my eyes you see desire in there...
I can't believe she's still a virgin,

Lots of guys have been up to her but there was no compromising,

She'd been strong,

She'd been keeping herself until the day of her wedding,

Under the right ceiling,

With the right person,
A person deserving of her special kind of loving.'

You might think that these lyrics are really cheesy and not so good to dance to in a club, well, I agree, but don't you think they mean something real?! People now are so driven to fulfill their desire. They just want that satisfaction and will do anything to bring it straight away. People are so into this quick fix way of life, that they aren't actually prepared to wait and fight anymore.

Someone was discussing about whether or not arranged marriages are better, I think this was due to the fact that these sort of marriages tend to last. Do you know why they last though?! Because the people in these marriages are not prepared to let their marriage sink. They are not prepared to bring a sudden quick fix ending to their troubles and challenges. These people are all about marriage and making it last, after all, shouldn't marriage be for an eternity?!

In the Bible, God often refers to us as His Bride. He is the Groom and we, the church, are the Bride. This is representing that we are bound with Him in marriage...we are bound with Him forever...that is what marriage is...marriage is forever.

' "In that day," declares the Lord, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'...I will betroth you to me FOREVER; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness..." ' Hosea 2 v 16 - 20

Don't you want to be like the girl in the song?? The one who doesn't compromise?? Don't you want to be the man singing the song?? Waiting for this lady who has saved everything just for him??

Don't just give everything for no-one. Wait and fight for what you truly desire and what you know will bring blessings of love. Love is about fire, about desire and about lasting for an eternity.

'...do not throw your pearls to the pigs...' Matthew 7 v 6

'Praise the Lord...who satisfies your desires with good things...' Psalm 103 v 1 - 5

Take hold of the truth and let it consume you.

Have you ever been in love??

'Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness...It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.'

Neil Gaiman

What do you think of this?? True or not?? Is love really meant to be hated to some degree?? I guess we can all think of times when we have actually hated love; hated what love does to us, hated how it makes everything seem ok when it actually isn't and hated how it makes us yearn for so much more than we can have. It's exactly what Rihanna and Neyo sing about...

'...Well I hate it

You know exactly what to do

So that I can’t stay mad at you

For too long, that’s wrong

Girl, I hate it

You know exactly how to touch

So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more

So I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy

I can’t stand how much I need you

But I just can't let you go

And I hate that I love you so...'

Is loving someone this much really something to be hated?? Or do you just hate the state of mind or the situation it puts you in?? How can being with someone that makes all pain cease still create pain?? How can being with someone who is top of your list be horrible?? Well it's because it does make you vulnerable; love IS vulnerable. When you love someone, you let them in and allow them into the deepest, most secretive parts of you...that's vulnerability. So if they choose to screw things up and if they choose to hurt you, then you have this wound...where they entered but then left. A wound that may take years to heal but a place that is even harder for the next person to enter.

So for me, it's all about whether or not I can be totally happy without the one person I love more than anything here with me!? Kinda weird really, coz I think I should be happy with just God but that's not really how it works...or is it?? So the question is, are we really meant to be totally happy with just God in our lives?? Or are we allowed/made to be sad without our closest people around us?? Can we still be 'down' with God at the top when our lovers/friends aren't around us??

I know that sometimes I hate love...I don't hate love, I just hate the way it makes situations seem so hard and frustrating. I hate how it makes me long for just one person every minute of everyday. I hate how it makes me long for more than I have. I hate how it doesn't satisfy all my desires. I hate how it is so incredible and the most amazing thing in the world, yet at the same time, it is the most frustrating and painful thing in the world. I hate yet love how it makes me vulnerable. I hate yet love how it opens me up to something new and different in life. I hate yet love how it brings new challenges and new feelings. I hate how it makes me experience pain yet love how it makes me experience an immense happiness and joy.

To bring this to a close, I hate how I love love.

Is it really shallow??

Wow, I haven't blogged in ages. I've been so busy and just haven't had anything much to blog about, which isn't too personal to share with the world :)

So I'm just watching Friends and Joey is talking about having a serious relationship...he says that he wants commitment etc and goes to say something about that person not necessarily being hot. However, he stops himself and says "Nah, she has to be hot." So, the question is, is looks part of love??

I know exactly what I think, but just thought I'd generally chat about the subject to maybe raise some questions for you. When I was young it was pretty much all about the looks, well, not just that, but that was one of the main things. If a guy was hot, then there was a good chance that any girl would date them if they ever had the chance to. Especially the so called 'popular guys'. Everyone knows that they'd be no good as boyfriend material, often too shallow, but yet, most girls would have shouted yes at the top of their lungs if they ever got asked out by them. So, then there is the stage where you actually start thinking about properly falling in love...the time when the next relationship could be a serious one. So, this guy may be hot or might not be. You have your list though, of what you think 'your type' is like....blonde, blue eyed, dark features, a footballer, a dancer, someone hot, someone who will treat you like a princess, whatever takes your fancy really. So the list mainly consists of physical features, I don't think there's any point denying that.

From my experience, which is very little might I just add, when you're at school, relationships tend to happen when someone starts taking an interest in you. Yeah, you might fancy them or you might not, but when someone says they like you and acts like they really do, it starts playing on your mind. You start thinking that maybe this person is worth a shot if they actually spotted you before you ever spotted them. But then is that necessarily a good reason to enter into a relationship?! I guess it's no more of a worse reason than just going out with someone because you think they're hot though is it?!

As you move on from these high school love affairs, you start thinking of who you would actually like to share your life with. Now you make a new mental list...they have to know how to have fun, they must be able to dance or sing or play an instrument, they must love children, they must be romantic, they must know how to be an equal in a relationship, they must desire to sacrifice for you etc. The list is now different to what it use to be, it's now more about the personal things, the things that are all about whether or not this person will make you truly happy. So where have all the physical aspects disappeared to from our list or have they even disappeared at all?!

Maybe we just think that as we get older these things shouldn't be part of our mental lists, that maybe we should have passed that stage of wanting someone so rediculously hot we just crave the time to look at them. Maybe society has given us the idea that when we long for someone hot it means we're shallow and nobody wants a relationship that stems from us or them being shallow do we?!

Do you know what I think though?? I think that every desire we have stems from a real, deep longing for something wonderful and true and pure. I believe that our mental lists need to consist of physical and personal aspects. After all, should we really enter into a relationship when we don't find that person attractive?! Would they really feel good about themself if we didn't find them hot, or gorgeous, or hansome, or beautiful?! How would you feel if your partner didn't love the way you looked and didn't love the way your body is?! I know that I would feel like I was at a loss somehow. I would want them to long for me as I longed for them. I would feel like I wasn't good enough, that I was not attractive. After all, if my lover doesn't find me attractive then who does?!

So, wanting your partner to be attractive is not shallow in any way, shape or form. Who doesn't want a rediculously hot partner anyway!? :P

And you know what the bible says about these sort of desires and longings...

'How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!' 1v15

'How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!' 1v16

'How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!' 7v6

'I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.' 7v10

You should read all of Song of Songs, it really is beautiful and incredible. It is so exciting to know that God intended us to be attracted to each other and that he created us to truly desire our partners in a very physical and intimate way. Read this amazing book and see if your view of love and your relationship with your partner/future partner changes, maybe for the better.

Step into all God has for you!!

Never alone.

I am absolutely loving this song at the moment, so just thought I would write a blog about it. Please put the song on and listen to it, see what you think and what it says to you.

I love how Celine Dion sings about being alone at the beginning and never really minding, yet now she has met this person she does not want the night to end alone...not knowing how she really coped alone before. I guess this speaks of the relationships in our lives. We live without them for so long, but when they come we can no longer live without them, whether it's our relationships with our family, with our friends, with our lover or with our God. Looking back though, I suppose we can always see where there was something missing...that longing deep inside that is never fully satisfied.

The fact is though, our friends, our family and even our lovers cannot satisfy this longing inside of us. We may think they can, or we may think that the ways of the world will satisfy, but we are still left longing for more, aren't we!? Look at your life, look at what you really want from life and ask yourself if you're satisfied and if these things will ever really satisfy?? We are all humans and we will always disappoint others and we will always be longing for that sometimes impossible satisfaction. No matter who we're in relationships with and how amazing and loving they are or they may seem, they will always disappoint us and we will always disappoint them. We expect them not to disappoint, especially our lovers, but they will. There is no way they cannot disappoint. Let me tell you this, God is the only one who can satisfy this longing!! The only one who will not disappoint us, hurt us and forget us. The only one who will not just take from the relationship...instead, the one who will give when we are not even giving ourselfs. The one who will love us and comfort us and support us even when we have forgotten and forsaken Him. The only one!!

He is the one that we now realise we cannot live without. He is the one that we needed all along. He is the one who we need to be with us at the end of the night, hating the thought of being without Him for one more moment. He is the one!!

At the end of the day, we are not alone and we will never be alone. We have many people that surround us, who God has placed around us to love us and for us to love them. People we need to get us through the day. People to strengthen, challenge and carry us. People who we can share our lives with and ultimately, our God with. But they can not give what God can give and never will.

Deuteronomy 31 v 6 - 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.'

Deuteronomy 31 v 8 - 'The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.'

Joshua 1 v5 - 'No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.'

Beauty.

Isn't this picture absolutely beautiful?! I have just spent some time with a special friend, having dinner and I was walking home. It took me about 40 minutes and it's not the warmest of days, yet it was wonderful. I was overwhelmed by the absolute, precise beauty of Gods creation. Autumn and Spring are so colourful and full of creativity. The trees are full of life and colour, showing once again, that God is so mighty. After all, have you ever asked yourself why nothing natural clashes?? Why the colours always work so perfectly with each other?? Why the colour themes are perfect yet they are not man made?? No-one could ever create colour like our God can. We fight day afer day for perfection, for a world that we long to have as perfect through our own eyes, yet there is nothing more that WE could ever do to reach that perfection. We can not create colour and beauty like our God can. We can not create nature that says tasteful and not tacky. We can not create beauty. It's the same with life...who can create life like God can?! God created life, He created us so that we can bring life into the world...God is the soul creator of such a beautiful thought and action.

'For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.' Romans 1 v 20

We see Gods creativity, life and beauty surrounding us, so there is no excuse for us to deny Him, to deny that He is author and creator of our very world that we live in!!

Take a look around, do you see it?! Do you see the beauty that I am talking about?! What is the reason for it then, who is the creator?!

Blessings x

Beyond Understanding.

Well, this is my first blog and I'm not so sure what to write coz I haven't blogged in ages, so I think I'll just chat, lol. Right now it's a Friday evening and I'm home alone eating chocolate buttons and listening to fab music. I've just spoken to my special someone on the phone, for the first time in ages and it was the best EVER!!!!!!! Love is fabulous <3

This week I started work with the Community Children's Nurses. It is going good so far. The team is quite small but two of the nurses are Christians which is a blessing, considering the ward I was based on I didn't know of anyone who was a Christian. Kinda scary to think that out of all the nurses on one children's ward, there are little or no Christians. ANYWAY......this week has been hard as my professional and faith perspectives have been battling against each other. I wouldn't say it's been a moral or ethical dilemma, nothing out of the ordinary even, especially when it comes to nursing, but somehow a battle for me I guess. Maybe some insight is needed please?!!?! There is one patient who is young and is dying of cancer, they are probably in their very last stages of life. The family are Christians and go to a church near my home church so they are praying for healing...a miracle for their precious, tiny, child. I too am praying for a miracle, but it hasn't happened yet. I know that sometimes God takes life from us but this is hard...a child who hasn't even had the chance to really live yet and God might be choosing to let them go...is this really fair?? From a professional nursing prespective there is nothing left to do except provide support, love and comfort, but from a Christian perspective there is so much more that could be done if God willed it. I believe and trust in God so faithfully, yet this does not seem right and it is causing some sort of torture in me. Why is this so hard to understand?? Why does God let life end for some but carry on for others (here on earth)??

I guess I am just realising that God is in fact completely beyond our understanding, so far beyond that nothing He does or says will make sense to us. His word and His character and His son and His holy spirit tell of His magnificent wonders, yet it doesn't always bring clarity and understanding, sometimes it just brings confusion...this is when we bring everything before Him though...this is when we realise that we are actually so small in comparison to the wonderful, majestic HIM. After all, without Him we can do NOTHING (John 15 v 5).