So I'm just watching Friends and Joey is talking about having a serious relationship...he says that he wants commitment etc and goes to say something about that person not necessarily being hot. However, he stops himself and says "Nah, she has to be hot." So, the question is, is looks part of love??
I know exactly what I think, but just thought I'd generally chat about the subject to maybe raise some questions for you. When I was young it was pretty much all about the looks, well, not just that, but that was one of the main things. If a guy was hot, then there was a good chance that any girl would date them if they ever had the chance to. Especially the so called 'popular guys'. Everyone knows that they'd be no good as boyfriend material, often too shallow, but yet, most girls would have shouted yes at the top of their lungs if they ever got asked out by them. So, then there is the stage where you actually start thinking about properly falling in love...the time when the next relationship could be a serious one. So, this guy may be hot or might not be. You have your list though, of what you think 'your type' is like....blonde, blue eyed, dark features, a footballer, a dancer, someone hot, someone who will treat you like a princess, whatever takes your fancy really. So the list mainly consists of physical features, I don't think there's any point denying that.
From my experience, which is very little might I just add, when you're at school, relationships tend to happen when someone starts taking an interest in you. Yeah, you might fancy them or you might not, but when someone says they like you and acts like they really do, it starts playing on your mind. You start thinking that maybe this person is worth a shot if they actually spotted you before you ever spotted them. But then is that necessarily a good reason to enter into a relationship?! I guess it's no more of a worse reason than just going out with someone because you think they're hot though is it?!
As you move on from these high school love affairs, you start thinking of who you would actually like to share your life with. Now you make a new mental list...they have to know how to have fun, they must be able to dance or sing or play an instrument, they must love children, they must be romantic, they must know how to be an equal in a relationship, they must desire to sacrifice for you etc. The list is now different to what it use to be, it's now more about the personal things, the things that are all about whether or not this person will make you truly happy. So where have all the physical aspects disappeared to from our list or have they even disappeared at all?!
Maybe we just think that as we get older these things shouldn't be part of our mental lists, that maybe we should have passed that stage of wanting someone so rediculously hot we just crave the time to look at them. Maybe society has given us the idea that when we long for someone hot it means we're shallow and nobody wants a relationship that stems from us or them being shallow do we?!
Do you know what I think though?? I think that every desire we have stems from a real, deep longing for something wonderful and true and pure. I believe that our mental lists need to consist of physical and personal aspects. After all, should we really enter into a relationship when we don't find that person attractive?! Would they really feel good about themself if we didn't find them hot, or gorgeous, or hansome, or beautiful?! How would you feel if your partner didn't love the way you looked and didn't love the way your body is?! I know that I would feel like I was at a loss somehow. I would want them to long for me as I longed for them. I would feel like I wasn't good enough, that I was not attractive. After all, if my lover doesn't find me attractive then who does?!
So, wanting your partner to be attractive is not shallow in any way, shape or form. Who doesn't want a rediculously hot partner anyway!? :P
And you know what the bible says about these sort of desires and longings...
'How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!' 1v15
'How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!' 1v16
'How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!' 7v6
'I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.' 7v10
You should read all of Song of Songs, it really is beautiful and incredible. It is so exciting to know that God intended us to be attracted to each other and that he created us to truly desire our partners in a very physical and intimate way. Read this amazing book and see if your view of love and your relationship with your partner/future partner changes, maybe for the better.
Step into all God has for you!!
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