Have you ever been in love??

'Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness...It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.'

Neil Gaiman

What do you think of this?? True or not?? Is love really meant to be hated to some degree?? I guess we can all think of times when we have actually hated love; hated what love does to us, hated how it makes everything seem ok when it actually isn't and hated how it makes us yearn for so much more than we can have. It's exactly what Rihanna and Neyo sing about...

'...Well I hate it

You know exactly what to do

So that I can’t stay mad at you

For too long, that’s wrong

Girl, I hate it

You know exactly how to touch

So that I don’t wanna fuss and fight no more

So I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy

I can’t stand how much I need you

But I just can't let you go

And I hate that I love you so...'

Is loving someone this much really something to be hated?? Or do you just hate the state of mind or the situation it puts you in?? How can being with someone that makes all pain cease still create pain?? How can being with someone who is top of your list be horrible?? Well it's because it does make you vulnerable; love IS vulnerable. When you love someone, you let them in and allow them into the deepest, most secretive parts of you...that's vulnerability. So if they choose to screw things up and if they choose to hurt you, then you have this wound...where they entered but then left. A wound that may take years to heal but a place that is even harder for the next person to enter.

So for me, it's all about whether or not I can be totally happy without the one person I love more than anything here with me!? Kinda weird really, coz I think I should be happy with just God but that's not really how it works...or is it?? So the question is, are we really meant to be totally happy with just God in our lives?? Or are we allowed/made to be sad without our closest people around us?? Can we still be 'down' with God at the top when our lovers/friends aren't around us??

I know that sometimes I hate love...I don't hate love, I just hate the way it makes situations seem so hard and frustrating. I hate how it makes me long for just one person every minute of everyday. I hate how it makes me long for more than I have. I hate how it doesn't satisfy all my desires. I hate how it is so incredible and the most amazing thing in the world, yet at the same time, it is the most frustrating and painful thing in the world. I hate yet love how it makes me vulnerable. I hate yet love how it opens me up to something new and different in life. I hate yet love how it brings new challenges and new feelings. I hate how it makes me experience pain yet love how it makes me experience an immense happiness and joy.

To bring this to a close, I hate how I love love.